Encyclopedia of Humor

< color="#c8ddf5" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="2">One day this Blonde walked into her doctors office.

“Doctor, Doctor I’m having these awlful pains in my back.”
“Well let me take a look.”

When the doctor looked he had a look of suprise on his face.
“This is amazing.”
What is is doctor?”
“I didn’t know that the new Toyotas had ribbed leather rear seating!”

A blonde was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.

“I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.” He said. “The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.”

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”

The blonde nodded. “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day.”

“From hunger, you mean?”

“No, from skipping!”

A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into.

The firemen yell to the Brunette, “Jump! Jump! It’s your only chance to survive!”

The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away…the
Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.

“C’mon! Jump! You gotta jump!’ say the firemen to the Redhead.

“Oh no! You’re gonna pull the blanket away!” says the Redhead.

“No! It’s Brunettes we can’t stand! We’re OK with Redheads!”

“OK” says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.

Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell “Jump! You have to jump!”

“No way! You’re just gonna pull the blanket away!” yelled the Blonde.

“No! Really! You have to jump! We won’t pull the blanket away!”

“Look,” the Blonde says, “nothing you say is gonna convince me that you’re not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it . . .”

A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she’s low on gas, so she stops at a gas station.

While she’s pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.

She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is doing.

Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying…

“A little more to the left…a little more to the right”

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the “blonde” employee: “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are at… VERY SLOWLY?”

The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said…
“Burrrrrrrr, Gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing”