Encyclopedia of Humor

An old Arabian man who lives in central USA wants to dig around the earth so he can plant tomatoes. However, he is too old to do so, so he e-mails his son, who studies in Paris.

Dear Son,

Ah, I wanted to plant Tomatoes in my garden today, but I am too old and weak to dig around the ground. If only you were here, I would be certain you would help me.

Allah be with you,

Your father.

A few hours later, he gets an e-mail back:

Dear father,

Please do not dig around the ground in the garden. It’s where I hid…The THING!”.

Allah be with you,

Your dearest son.

Only 15 minutes after the man had recieved his e-mail, the cops, the FBI and the CIA came knocking at his door and started to dig around his garden. When they didn’t find anything, they left disappointed.

One hour later, the father recieves another mail:

Dear father,

I would assume your garden has been dug around by now. It was my honor to help you.

Allah be with you,

Your dearest son.

• Most Icelanders do not have a family name (such as Johnson, Smith, etc).  So children have a given name and then father’s-name-son or father’s-name-daughter. Thus:
  1. Jon has a son named Thor Jonsson and a daughter named Hafdis Jonsdottir.
  2. Thor Jonsson has a son named Bjarni Thorsson and a daughter named Frida Thorsdottir.
  3. And so forth.
• Icelandic women don’t take the husband’s name when they marry, chiefly because the husband doesn’t have a family name to take.
• Because they don’t have surnames, Icelanders are listed in the telephone directory alphabetically by first name. Read More…

Ron Paul supporters are easy to recognize, their signature headgear, when properly applied also keeps fat from dripping on your grill and flaring up. Also his name is Barry.

Ron Paul supporters not only appear when his name is invoked 3 times, it drives them crazy, an admittedly short trip.

The Federal Reserve killed most of Ron Paul’s supporters puppies.

If you’re bitten by a Ron Paul supporter if you don’t become one, you do become a carrier.

Where do Ron Paul supporters have their meetups? A house of mirrors.

Ron Paul supporters never get sick and can only be killed by decapitating them. There can be/is only one.

When Ron Paul returns to the Earth, his followers believe he will restore the constitution so well that the ink will smell wet and also miraculously restore the moat around America to its pre-civil war glory.

To a Ron Paul supporter the first 10 amendments to the U.S. Constitution are collectively known as the Bill of WRONGS!

Every time a bell rings a Ron Paul supporter get his mouth very salivated.

Ron Paul supporters think everyone who doesn’t support him fears him like they fear getting abducted by aliens, again.

When the feces found in the U.S. Capital was determined to be Ron Paul’s, his supporters were quick to hail it the best idea, anywhere, ever and also delicious.

If Ron Paul falls in a forest, his supporter(s) will claim it’s because gravity is inherently unconstitutional.

Some claim Ron Paul supporters spam online polls, the truth is they just all have the same I.P. address because… Hey! LOOK kittens!

The most ardent of Ron Paul’s followers think the US government is too big when it has more people than the secret number Ron Paul has written on his magic anti-alien hemp underpants.

How many Ron Paul supporters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1 but with 81,390 twists of the wrist.

Who’s there?
Ron.
Ron who?
Exactly.

Joke 1

REPORTER (to Barack Obama): At the Academy Awards, Jon Stewart made fun of the fact that your last name, Obama, sounds like Osama, the name of the most hated man on the planet. What is your reaction?

BARACK OBAMA: Besides the unfortunate name similarity, Osama Bin-Laden and I have nothing in common. One of us is a confident, ethnic man with devoted supporters and a clear vision for the future, and the other is about to be elected President.

Joke 2

Recently, Obama’s campaign manager asked him him to identify a potential running mate.

“I need someone who doesn’t know when to quit,” said Obama. “Someone who will stick with a losing cause to the bitter end. My running mate needs to be willing to take absurd positions just to spur my thinking process. I need someone who isn’t afraid to look stupid, and who has no sense of what ideas are ‘mainstream’ or ‘popular.’”

“For the last time,” said the campaign manager, “Mike Huckabee is not an option.”

Joke 3

Critics say that Presidential candidate Barack Obama tries to “be all things to all people” and that he makes too many “pie-in-the-sky” promises. At a recent political rally, Obama tried to overcome these criticisms by emphasizing his commitment to principles. Afterwards, audience members lined up at a microphone to ask Obama questions.

The first person at the microphone said, “I oppose the war in Iraq. If you are elected, what will you do about that?”

“I will end the war in Iraq within two weeks of taking office,” answered Obama. “All our troops will come home, and I will simultaneously make sure the Iraqi government is functioning and secure.”

The second person in line said, “I’m an illegal alien. What will you do for people like me?”

“If I am elected,” answered Obama, “every illegal alien will receive U.S. citizenship, free health coverage, and a scholarship to the university of your choice.”

The third person in line said, “I’m a conservative. If elected, what will you do for me?”

“I’ll send that first guy to Iraq, and the second guy back to Mexico.”