Encyclopedia of Humor

A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun.

So he told her all she had to do was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.

After 15 minutes of this, the blonde’s blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing.

“I’m trying to pop out this dent, but it’s not really working.”

“Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!”

A red head, a brunette, and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender asks the redhead what she would like. She says, “I’ll have a A.L.”

The bartender looks lost, and so the redhead says, “Daaaaa, an Amstel Lite!”

Next, the bartender asks the brunette what she would like. The brunette says, “I’ll have a B.L.”

With this, the bartender gets a grin on his face and says, “A Bud Lite,right?”

The brunette says, “Daaaaa, a Becks lite!”

Feeling really dumb, he asks the blonde what she would like to drink. The blonde says, “I’ll have a 15.”

The bartender says to himself, “A 15, a 15, a 15?”

The Blonde says, “daaaaa, a 7 and 7.”

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table.

The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”

Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”

Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”

Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”

The bartender can’t contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed children’s jigsaw puzzle. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, “What’s all the chanting and celebration about?”

The blonde who brought in the picture explains, “Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together.

“The side of the box said 2 to 4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!”

A man rushed into the veterinarian’s office carrying his dog, thoroughly distraught. The vet examined the dog’s still, limp body and sadly informed the man that the dog was dead.Saddened at the loss of his best friend, the man asked the doctor if he could please try one last time to revive the dog.

The doctor stepped into his other room and returned with a cat in a wire cage. He set the cage on the examining table and opened the sliding door.

The cat got up, stretched, stepped out of the cage and slowly walked around the dog from head to tail sniffing the body. When it was finished, it looked up at the veterinarian with a “meow”, walked back into the cage and went back to sleep.

The vet looked at the man and said in his best bedside manner, “I’m sorry, but there is nothing I can do.”

Resigned, the man signed and said, “Thanks for trying. How much do I owe you?”

“Three-hundred fifty dollars,” the doctor replied.

“Thr . . . thr . . .three-hundred fif-fif-fifty bucks to tell me my dog is dead!” the man stammered.

“Well, it was only $50 for the office visit. The other $300 is for the CAT scan.”

Three guys sitting in a bar around a log fire with their dogs, and get talkin’ about them. First one says “My dog is called woodworker.. go woodworker.” The dog grabs a log from fire and with his teeth and paws fashions a beautiful figurine.

Next one says “My dog is called stoneworker.. go stoneworker” The dog drags a rock from the fire front and a beautiful carving emerges.

Third one says “My dog is called iron worker” he puts the fire tongs into the fire and gets them red hot.

“Now,” he says “I’ll just touch him on the balls and you watch him make a bolt for the door.”