Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.

Whistling underwater is illegal.

At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.

Barre
All residents shall bathe every Saturday night.

A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, “How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?” He got the following reply.

“Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter.

My dad came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy’s brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy’s wife.

So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmother’s mother. Don’t forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter. Remember, too, that I am my wife’s grandson.

But hold on just a few minutes more. You see, since I’m married to my step-grandmother, I am not only the wife’s grandson and her hubby, but I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand how I got put in this place?”

After staring blanky with a dizzy look on his face, the psychiatrist replied: “Move over!”

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. “Your holiness,” said one of the Cardinals, “Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match.” The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.

“Not to worry,” said the Cardinal, “we’ll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We’ll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres… We can’t lose!” Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. “I came in second, your Holiness,” said Nicklaus.

“Second?!!” exclaimed the surprised Pope. “You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!”

“No,” said Nicklaus, “second to Rabbi Woods.”

Children are not to go trick-or-treating on Halloween.

It is illegal to tickle women.

Driving while not wearing shoes is prohibited. (Repealed)

You may not work on Sunday. (Repealed)

Citizens must honk their horn while passing other cars.

It is illegal to spit on sidewalk.

There is a state law prohibiting “corrupt practices of bribery by any person other than candidates.”

Police radar detectors are illegal.

It is illegal to sell peanut brittle on Sundays. (Repealed)

You cannot sell lettuce on Sunday, but you can sell beer, wine etc. (Repealed)

You cannot buy hardware of any kind on Sunday. (Passed in 1975, repealed in 1977)

Culpeper
No one may wash a mule on the sidewalk.

Dayton
A person of color may not be oustide or within the city limits after 7 pm.

Lebanon
It is illegal to kick your wife out of bed.

Norfolk
Women must wear a corsette after sundown and be in the company of male chaperone.

A man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman’s derriere.

Spitting on a sea gull is not tolerated.

Richmond
It is illegal to flip a coin in a restaurant to see who pays for a coffee.

Stafford County
It is legal for a man to beat his wife on the courthouse steps so long as it is before 8:00 pm.

Victoria
It is illegal to skate down the sidewalk of Main Street.

Virginia Beach
It is also unlawful to drive by the same place within 30 minutes on Atlantic Avenue.

If you are drunk and not driving your car, and the person who is driving the car is drunk as well, you may both receive DUI’s.

It is illegal to use profanity on Atlantic Avenue or the boardwalk.

It is illegal for a person to ride on the handlebars of a bike.

Waynesboro
It is illegal for a woman to drive a car up Main Street unless her husband is walking in front of the car waving a red flag.

The wife says: You want
The wife means: You want

The wife says: We need
The wife means: I want

The wife says: It’s your decision
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious

The wife says: Do what you want
The wife means: You’ll pay for this later

The wife says: We need to talk
The wife means: I need to complain

The wife says: Sure… go ahead
The wife means: I don’t want you to

The wife says: I’n not upset
The wife means: Of course I’m upset you moron

The wife says: You’re … so manly
The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot

The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights
The wife means: I have flabby thighs.

The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient
The wife means: I want a new house.

The wife says: I want new curtains.
The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!

The wife says: I need wedding shoes.
The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.

The wife says: Hang the picture there
The wife means: No, I mean hang it there!

The wife says: I heard a noise
The wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep.

The wife says: Do you love me?
The wife means: I’m going to ask for something expensive.

The wife says: How much do you love me?
The wife means: I did something today you’re not going to like.

The wife says: I’ll be ready in a minute.
The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.