Movies that show police officers being struck, beaten, or treated in an offensive manner are forbidden.

No horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants.

If there are more than 5 Native Americans on your property you may shoot them.

It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.

Spearfish
If three or more Indians are walking down the street together, they can be considered a war party and fired upon.

It’s really not too difficult fixing your own hard drive, if the problem is a head crash, or the infamous Seagate “stiction” problem, if you know what to do. You will require #4/0 steel wool, paint thinners, WD-40, a few hand tools, and about 45 minutes.

- First, you need a clean room, so make sure the garage door is closed before you begin. Move those old lawnmower parts off the bench. Disassemble the sealed unit and carefully wash all parts with paint thinners. Bend the read/write heads out of the way, and then disassemble the platter stack.

- VERY CAREFULLY buff the platter surfaces with the #4/0 steel wool. This will remove any existing data, level out any surface defects, and help to redistribute the magnetic media and fill in those pesky “bad sectors” that most drives have.

- Reassemble the platter stack, and using a .015″ feeler gauge, bend the read/write heads back to the platter surface, using the feeler gauge to set the gap. This is slightly higher gap than the factory uses, but it reduces the chance of head collisions with any flotsam you neglected to remove.

- Give the heads and platters a good shot of WD-40 and reassemble the unit. If your drive has a filter, replace it with a clean section of gauze pad.

All that’s left is to low level and DOS format the drive, and you’re back in business. I haven’t tried this myself, but my friend’s wife’s sister-in-law’s husband knows a technician that does it all the time….

There was a blonde that went to the hair salon with headphones. Before the barber started cutting her hair she told him “Make sure not to knock the headphones off my head”. So the barber was sure not to.
The next time, the blonde said the same thing “Do not knock the headphones off my head”. The barber again, did what he was told. The third time she went, she told the barber again “Don’t knock the headphones off my head”, this time though, the barber accidentally knocked them off. As soon as the headphones fell off, the blonde dropped to the floor unconcious.
The barber picked up the headphones and listened, and this is what it said “Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out….”

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

“All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.”

Any person crippling, killing or in any way destroying a proud female dog that is running at large shall not be held liable for the damages due to such killing or destruction.

“Crimes against nature” are prohibited.
More than 8 women may not live in the same house because that would constitute a brothel.

It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.

Hollow logs may not be sold.

It is legal to gather and consume roadkill.

Stealing a horse is punishible by hanging.

Driving is not to be done while asleep.

You can’t shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.

Dyersburg
It is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date.

Fayette County
You may not have more than five inoperable vehicles on a piece of property.

Lenoir City
When you pull up to a stop sign you must fire a gun out the window to warn horse carriages that you are coming.

Lexington
No one may eat ice cream on the sidewalk.

Spitting on the sidewalk is prohibited.

Knoxville
In front of their buildings, all businesses must have a “hitching post.”

Memphis
Panhandlers must first obtain a $10 permit before begging on the streets of downtown Memphis. (Passed in 1996)

Illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.

It’s illegal for frogs to croak after 11 PM.

It is illegal to give any pie to fellow diners. It is also illegal to take unfinished pie home. All pie must be eaten on the premises.

Oneida
An ordinance forbids anyone to sing the song “It Ain’t Goin’ To Rain No Mo’.”