It is considered an offense to get a tattoo.

Performing a U-turn within 1,000 feet of an intersection is illegal.

All schools must prepare a suitable program for Francis Willard Day.

Dance halls may not operate on Sundays.

Horses may not be kept in bathtubs.

Fortune tellers are required to obtain a special permit from the state.

A railroad my not remove itself from a town of more than five hundred people.

Merchandise may not be sold within a half mile of a church unless fruit is being sold.

It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays.

Every adult male must bring a rifle to church on Sunday in order to ward off Indian attacks.

Musical instruments may not be sold on Sunday.

When approaching a four way or blind intersection in a non-horse driven vehicle you must stop 100 ft from the intersection and discharge a firearm into the air to warn horse traffic.

It is illegal to sell any alcoholic beverages on Sunday, unless you own a private club. (Repealed November 2000)

It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide.

By law, if a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, the marriage must take place.

It is illegal to communicate with a woman using obscene messages.

No work may be done on Sunday.
(An exception to the above law is that light bulbs may be sold.)

Railroad companies may be held liable in some instances for scaring horses.

It is illegal to display a confederate flag on a courthouse.

Charleston
It is against the law to drive a motorized vehicle on King Street.

The Fire Department may blow up your house. This law was made so that the fire department could create a fire brake.

Fountain Inn
Horses are to wear pants at all times.

Lancaster County
It is illegal to dance in public in Lancaster.

Spartanburg
Eating watermelons in the Magnolia Street cemetery is forbidden.

Cust: what is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program ?
UNIX: yes, that’s correct.
Cust: no, what is it ?
UNIX: yes.
Cust: so, which is the one ?
UNIX: no.’which’ is used to find the program.
Cust: stop this. who are you ?
UNIX: use ‘who am i’ not ‘who r yoo’.you can also ‘finger yoo’ to get information about ‘yoo’.
Cust: all i want to know is what finds the revision code ?
UNIX: use ‘what’.
Cust: that’s what i am trying to find out. isn’t that true ?
UNIX: no. ‘true’ gives you 0.
Cust: which one ?
UNIX: ‘true’ gives you 0. ‘which programname’
Cust: let’s get back to my problem. what program? how do i find it?
UNIX: type ‘find/-name it’ to find ‘it’.type ‘what program’ to get the revision code.
Cust: i want to find the revision code.
UNIX: you can’t ‘find revisioncode’, you must use ‘what program’.
Cust: which command will do what i need?
UNIX: no. ‘which command’ will find ‘command’.
Cust: i think i understand. let me write that.
UNIX: you can ‘write that’ only if ‘that’ is a user on your system.
Cust: write what?
UNIX: no. ‘write that’.'what program’.
Cust: cut that out!
UNIX: yes. those are valid files for ‘cut’.don’t forget the options.
Cust: do you always do this ?
UNIX: ‘du’ will give you disk usage.
Cust: HELP!
UNIX: ‘help’ is only used for Source Code Control System(SCCS).
Cust: you make me angry.
UNIX: no, I don’t ‘make me’ angry but i did ‘make programname’ when i was upset once.
Cust: i don’t want to make trouble, so no more.
UNIX: no ‘more’? ‘which’ will help you find ‘more’. every system has ‘more’.
Cust: nice help! I’m confused more now.
UNIX: understand that since ‘help’ is such a small program, it is better not to ‘nice help’. and ‘more now’ is not allowed but ‘at now’ is. Unless of course ‘now’ is a file name.
Cust: this is almost as confusing as my PC.
UNIX: i didn’t know you needed help with ‘pc’.let me get you to the Pascal compiler team.

Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.

1. Combatting Stupidity

2. You Too Can Do Housework

3. Resistance to Beer

4. How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray

5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear For Christmas (Give Us Credit Cards)

6. Understanding The Female Response To Coming Home Drunk At 4:00am

7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (also called “Don’t Wash My Silks”)

9. Get A Life – Learn To Cook

10. How Not To Act Like An Idiot When You Are Obviously Wrong

11. Spelling – Even You Can Get It Right

12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence

13. You, The Weaker Sex

14. Reasons To Give Flowers

15. Garbage – Getting It To The Curb

16. You Cannot Always Wear Whatever You Please

17. How To Put Down A Toilet Seat

18. Give Me A Break – Why We Know Your Excuses Are Lies

19. How To Go Shopping With Your Mate Without Getting Lost

20. The Remote Control – Overcoming Your Dependency

21. Helpful Posture Hints For Couch Potatoes

22. Mother-in-Laws Are People Too

23. The Weekend And Sports Are Not Synonymous

24. How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children

25. You Too Can Be A Designated Driver

26. Male Bonding: Leave Your Friends At Home

27. Attainable Goal – Omitting Foul Expletives From Vocabulary

28. You Don’t Really Need That Porsche

Sunday, November 29, 1992

An investigation by the Dallas Morning News revealed the city’s public schools employ at least 185 people who have been convicted of felonies, including two convicted murderers.

In response, the school superintendent promised that the city would begin periodic records checks.

A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together.

But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone, “June.”

“Yes, this is June.”

“Will you marry me?”

“Of course I will! Who’s this?”