A man walked into a bar, leading an alligator by a leash. He asked the bartender, “Do you serve lawyers here?”

“Sure do,” said the bartender.

“Good,” replied the man. “Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my ‘gator.”

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows.”51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” The bartender can’t contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child’s puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, “What’s all the chanting and celebration about?” The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, “Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together.

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender to give him a shot of tequilla. The man downs the first one, slams the glass on the bar and immediately asks for another. The bartender gives him another shot. The man downs the second one and slams the glass on the bar again. He repeatidly asks for shots of tequilla until the bartender refuses him to give him anymore.

Disgustingly the man exits the bar cussing and yelling at the bartender making a complete fool of himself. About two minutes later the drunk comes running back in the bar in panic. He urgently asks the bartender to hand him the phone.

The drunk takes the phone and dials 911. When the police answer the phone the man says, “Somebody has broken into my car.

They took my steering wheel, my accelerator and brake pedal, and even my dashboard.”

The police reply that they will be down in a few minutes. The man walks out of the bar again, then returns a couple of minutes later. He picks up the phone and dials 911 again. When the police answers the phone the man says, “I just called about a car that had been broken into. Never mind I mistakenly got in the back seat.”

A blonde was sitting down in a bar one day next to a red-head. Both of them were sitting there having a good time and then the news turned on.

The woman reporter shouted out “This just in! A man is at the edge of a cliff attempting to jump!”. Then the red-head leans over to the blonde and whispers, “I bet you $50 that the man’s gonna jump!” The blonde responds back “That’s a bet you have there!”.

So, both of the woman stared at the news waiting to know whats gonna happen. Then, the man jumps! The blonde turns around to the red-head and hands her the $50. The red-head feeling guilty said “I cant take that there money. I saw the news earlier this mornin’, i knew he was gonna jump off that there cliff.”

And the blonde says “Well, i did too! But i never would have thought that the man would do it again!”

A man walks into a bar and sits down to a man that is obviously intoxicated. He smells a foul odor and asks the drunk, “Did you crap your pants?” The drunk said “yup.” The man then asked the drunk, “Why don’t you go to the bathroom?”, to which the drunk replied, “Cause I ain’t done yet!”