A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside.Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He’ll then open his mouth and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.”

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of it’s head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genital, unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.” A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A Blonde woman timidly spoke up, “I’ll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle.”

A guy is sitting all alone at a bar, the bartender looks at him and laughs. The man shrugs it off…
The bartender looks at him and laughs again, the barteneder finally went over to the man and said “I’m sorry but you have to be the ugliest man that I have ever seen.” The man replied by saying I dont think so. I can get any lady that I want.
The bartender looks around and sees a hot big titted blond sitting at the table with her huge boyfriend, and tells the ugly man that he bet $50 that he couldnt get the woman to even talk to him. The ugly man agrees and says “I’ll bet another $50 that I can walk straight out the door with her. The bartender accepted.
The ugly man walked over the girl jumped into his arms and they walked out the door. The bartender went over to the boyfriend and said, “damn that sucks but what happened?” The man replied with “I dont know. He just stood there lickin his eyebrows.”

A mangy-lookin’ guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says “No way. I don’t think you can pay for it.” The guy says “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?” The bartender says “Only if what you show me ain’t risque.” “Deal!” says the guy, as he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down a barstool, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good. The bartender says, “You’re right. I’ve never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano.” The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another. “Money or another miracle else no drink,” says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch, a fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog. The guy says “It’s a deal.” He takes the three hundred and gives the frog to the stranger, who runs out of the bar with it. The bartender says to the guy, “Are you some kind of nut?! You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy!” “Not so,” says the guy. “The hamster is also a ventriloquist!”

A guy walks into a bar with his girlfriend. A very drunk man in the bar looks at the girl and says loudly, “If you were my woman, I would lick you from top to bottom like a lollipop.” The boyfriend is angered and starts to get up to kick the drunken guy’s ass. The girlfriend stops him, telling him she does not want a scene. The drunken man then walks over to her and tries to give her a big sloppy kiss. The boyfriend pulls him off and is about to beat him to a pulp, but the girlfriend pulls him away. “If that guy even looks at you again, I’m going to kill him!” the boyfriend declared. After a couple of minutes, the drunk came over to the couple again and said “If you were my woman, I’d turn you upside-down, fill your pussy with beer and drink you dry with one swallow.” The boyfriend just took the girl’s arm and started to walk her quietly out of the bar. She asked him why he was not trying to pound the drunk into the ground for dishonoring her. He replied, “If he can drink that much beer, he’s a better man than I am.”

One day a tired salesman goes into a bar and orders a beer. While he’s enjoying his drink, he notices a nittle old man with a peg-leg and a Noggin the size of a baseball. Curious, he ask the man, “How in the world did your noggin get to me so DAMN Tiny?”

The old man replies “I used to be a sailor, but one day, i was out sailing when my shipwrecked on a remote island. I lived there for about three years. One day a beuatiful mermaid came up on shore. she gave me three wishes. For the first wish, I asked her to be back in civilization, for the second i wished for 25 million dollars. For the third wish i told her that i wanted to have sex with a mermaid. She told me ‘sorry, but mermaid dont have the right equipment to have sex. So i said “how about a little head then?”