“If I Only Had A Brain”:

I might be in the shower,

I might be gone for hours,

I can’t come to the phone.

So, please leave your name and number,

If I miss you it’d be a bummer,

Leave your message at the tone…

Voice 1: Gee, Dave, what do you feel like doing tonight?

Voice 2: Same thing we do every night, Rob… Try to take over

the world! (Sing:)

They’re David and the Rob,

Yes, David and the Rob,

One is a drummer, the other needs a job.

They’re not at home right now, so please don’t have a cow,

Leave a message — for David and the Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob.

With apologies to Robert Burns:

O ma phone is but an ebon box,

Wha’ rings when I’m awa’.

And my tape machine waits,

For your call,

This message for ta play.

So leave ye message at the beep,

Then bide ye well a while,

For I will hear your voice,

ONE DAY,

and call ye wi’ a smile.

“Under the Boardwalk”:

Oh, when you call our room,

and all you get is a machine,

and then you get so upset,

you feel as if you want to scream.

Please leave a message

after the be-ep.

And John or Tom will get back you,

as soon as they can.

“Muppet Show” theme:

It’s time to leave a message

After you hear the tone,

It’s time to leave a message

‘Cause we’re not at home tonight…

It’s time to leave a message

On Kate and Shannon’s phone,

It’s time to leave a message

‘Cause we’re not at home tonight.

Just leave your name and number,

Such simple things to do,

And then when we get home we will

Get right back to you.

It’s time to leave a message

After you hear the tone.

It’s time to leave a message

‘Cause we’re not at home tonight.

Gone to get a bite,

Stayin’ out all night,

Yes we have a life!

Leave a message, we’re not home toniiiiight…