Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.

Nothing is ever as simple as it seems.

Nothing is impossible for the man who does not have to do it himself.

Nothing matters very much, and very few things matter at all.

Nothing puzzles me more than time and space; and yet nothing troubles me less.

Of all forces acting on man, change is the most beneficial and the most cruel.

Of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur.

Office Of Precision Guesswork

Old age and treachery shall overcome youth and skill.

Drive through the drive thru in reverse and let your passenger order.

Ask prices of everything on the menu then order something that you did not ask the price for.

Pretend like your window is broken. Tell the employee this. Order with your door open, pay with your door open. Roll down window and take food through the window.

Go to McDonalds and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight.

Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels unwrapped.

Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you are in.

When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window shopping and drive on.

Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.

Ask how they fit into that little box.

If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.

Demand to speak to the manager. When he comes on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said “May I take your order?”

When asked if they can take your order say “No, why can’t I take yours?”

If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you.

Pretend like your car broke down. Ask for assistance in moving it. When they come out, drive away.

Tell them you have to use the bathroom.

Order a cup of water and two napkins. That’s it.

Don’t order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene.

When they hand you your food, hand them a bag back with all the trash from your car in it.

Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don’t break your stare.

Honk your horn the whole way through the line.

There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, they start asking the questions.

The police chief asks, “What were the people doing on the bus?”

The monkey shakes his head in a condemning manner and starts dancing around; meaning the people were dancing and having fun.

The chief asks, “Yeah, but what else were they doing?”.

The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle.

The chief says, “Oh! They were drinking, huh??!” The chief continues, “Okay, were they doing anything else?”

The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, meaning they were talking.

The chief loses his patience, “If they were having such a great time, who was driving the stupid bus then?”

The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a wheel.

Hello, this is Rip van Winkle. I’m not awake to take your call right now. Please leave your message at the sound of the snore.

Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I’ll be right with you.