“The fees for withdrawing money from your ATM machines are expected to double, even triple. You’re gonna pay two to three as much to withdraw your money so basically the ATM machines have become full service. Instead of getting robbed at the ATM machine the ATM machine robs you. You eliminate the middle man.” – Jay Leno

Nobody wants to read anyone else’s formulas.

Nobody told me.

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.

Nothing can be done in one trip.

Nothing ever comes out as planned.

Nothing is as easy as it looks.

Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.

Nothing is as permanent as that which is called temporary.

Nothing is as temporary as that which is called permanent.

Drive through the drive thru in reverse and let your passenger order.

Ask prices of everything on the menu then order something that you did not ask the price for.

Pretend like your window is broken. Tell the employee this. Order with your door open, pay with your door open. Roll down window and take food through the window.

Go to McDonalds and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight.

Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels unwrapped.

Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you are in.

When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window shopping and drive on.

Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.

Ask how they fit into that little box.

If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.

Demand to speak to the manager. When he comes on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said “May I take your order?”

When asked if they can take your order say “No, why can’t I take yours?”

If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you.

Pretend like your car broke down. Ask for assistance in moving it. When they come out, drive away.

Tell them you have to use the bathroom.

Order a cup of water and two napkins. That’s it.

Don’t order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene.

When they hand you your food, hand them a bag back with all the trash from your car in it.

Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don’t break your stare.

Honk your horn the whole way through the line.

1. Uh-oh…

2. Oh S***!

3. What the heck?!?

4. Go get your backup tape. (You DO have a backup tape?)

5. That’s SOOOOO bizarre.

6. Wow!! Look at this…

7. Hey!! The Suns don’t do this.

8. Terminated?!?

9. What software license?!?

10. Well, it’s doing SOMETHING…

11. Wow…that seemed fast…

12. I got a better job at Lockheed…

13. Management says…

14. Sorry, the new equipment didn’t get budgeted.

15. What do you mean that wasn’t a copy?

16. It didn’t do that a minute ago…

17. Where’s the GUI on this thing?

18. Damn, and I just bought that Coke…

19. Where’s the DIR command?

20. The drive ate the tape but that’s OK, I brought my screwdriver.

21. I cleaned up the root partition and now there’s LOTS of free space.

22. What’s this “any” key I’m supposed to press?

23. Do you smell something?

24. What’s that grinding sound?

25. I have never seen it do THAT before…

26. I don’t think it should be doing that…

27. I remember the last time I saw it do that…

28. You might as well all go home early today…

29. My leave starts tomorrow.

30. Oops! (said in a quiet, almost surprised voice)

31. Hmm, maybe if I do this…

32. Why is my “rm -R *” taking so long?”

33. Hmmm, curious…

34. Well, MY files were backed up.

35. What do you mean you needed that directory?

36. What do you mean /home was on that disk? I umounted it!

37. Do you really need your home directory to do any work?

38. I didn’t think anybody would be doing any work at 2am, so I killed your job.

39. Yes, I chowned all the files to belong to pvcs. Is that a problem to you?

40. We’re standardizing on AIX.

41. Wonder what THIS command does?

42. What did you say your (1)user name was…?

Did you hear about the banker who was recently arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter’s college education?

As the policeman, who also had a daughter in college, was leading him away in handcuffs, he said to the banker, “I have just one question for you. Where were you going to get the rest of the money?”