10) You can’t use 5-1/4″ floppy disks.

9) You can’t go shopping with your friends for a Sound Blaster board because Macs don’t need one.

Your 200 MHz 604e Mac does integer calculation equivalent to a 362 MHz Pentium Pro, but you can only brag about 200 MHz.

7) Networking a Mac is not an impressive feat.

6) Macs don’t come in black, and we all know black cabinets make computers faster and louder.

5) You have to add a system extension to make Mac menus stay down like Windows. We like pokey menus because it’s too hard to hold that heavy mouse button down while we read.

4) And the Mac mouse is too slow. We want our cursor to fly wildly off the screen when we twitch our wrist because hyper cursors make our PCs look faster.

3) You just plug Macs in and they work. Where’s the challenge in that?

2) When you add stuff, you just plug them in and they work, too. Again, no challenge.

1) Your clients and teachers know about Numbers 2 and 3, so they expect Mac users to deliver results, not excuses!

“I’m not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance … she leaned over and pushed me.”

Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.

Maybe I can’t make you do it but I sure can make you sorry you didn’t!

Maybe you can’t buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.

Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.

Men can live without air for a few minutes, without water for a few days, without food for about two months, and without new thoughts for years on end.

Mere unassisted merit advances slowly, if it advances at all.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Most projects require three hands.

Most well-trodden paths lead nowhere.

Multitasking allows screwing up several things at once.

Non stick Cellotape

Solar Powered Flash Light

A black highlighter pen

Glow in the dark sunglasses

Inflatable Anchor

Smooth Sandpaper

Waterproof sponge

Waterproof Teabags

AC adapter for Solar powered calculators

Fireproof Matches

Fireproof Cigarettes

Battery powered Battery Charger

Seatbelts for Motorbikes

Hand powered Chainsaw

Inflatable Dartboard

Silent Alarm Clock

A Pedal powered wheelchair

Braille Drivers Manual

Double sided playing cards

Ejector seats for Helicopters

A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, “I’ll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye.” The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it.

He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man can’t possibly have two glass eyes. The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.