It has come to our attention that a few copies of the New South African edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside South Africa. If you have one of the New South African editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The New South African edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads “E WINDOWS 98″ with a background picture of a Mageu bottle superimposed on a Orlando Pirates flag. It is shipped with a Black Label screen saver.

New Features:
OK = samblief
Cancel = Aikona
Undo = auk! mistake!
Redo = aikona, not mistake!
Save = Ekke ek bere hom
find = Ekke ek soek hom
help = ah dunno
start = stat
settings = (pre-set on this edition)
run = hamba
personal folder = my thieengs
Shut Down = Chaila

Some programs that are exclusive to “E Windows 98″

MS Werd = a word processor
calculata = calculator
scratch peppa = notepad
Jive Box = CD player
I Explora = Microsoft Internet Explorer
piktchas = a graphics viewer
Stockvel = M/S accounting software
Shebeen = Shortcut to a website with a list of
local off-sales and their prices.
Black Label tax records = usually an empty file
Fafi = game replacing Solitaire

We regret any inconvenience it may have cause if you received a copy of the New South African edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred.

Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys.

“Correct,” said the chief. “How did you figure it out?”

The warrior answered, “It’s elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.”

If ignorance is bliss, most of us must be orgasmic.

If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it and you will break it.

If it doesn’t make sense, it’s either economics or psychology.

If it doesn’t work, expand it.

If it happens, it must be possible.

If it is good, they will stop making it.

If it is incomprehensible, it’s mathematics.

If it is worth doing, it is worth doing for money.

If it is worth doing, it is worth over-doing.

If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

I could have sworn I heard the can opener.

Is there something I’m not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?

Why doesn’t the government do something about dogs?

I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives?

Hmmm … If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can’t we cats ever get these STUPID dogs to do anything for us?

This looks like a good spot for a nap.

Hey — no kidding, I’m sure that’s the can opener.

Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn’t given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?

If there’s a God, how can He allow neutering?

If that really was the can opener, I’ll play finicky just to let THEM know who’s boss!

1. The company CEO has moved from the corner office to the ledge outside the corner office.

2. The manager informs you that the drinks in the company fridge haven’t been free and hands you a $4,800 Snapple bill.

3. The company president asks if anyone has a problem giving out a little astrological advice over the phone while they work.

4. The head of R&D is spending more and more time in the park across street with a metal detector he refers to as his “search engine.”

5. There’s now 10-year-old Indonesian boys on either side of you assembling Nike running shoes.

6. Management is now using copies of the company prospectus exclusively for rolling papers.

7. Next time you see the company’s founder, he is wearing a paper hat and telling you which one is the Diet Coke.

8. The human resources manager informs you that (though it wasn’t spelled out in black and white) giving conventioneers body massages was indeed implied in your job description, and that it could also involve a little “converging,” if you know what he means.

9. You arrive at work to find that all the computers have been replaced with Etch-a-Sketches.

10. Your boss concedes that he might be out of his teens before he’s able to retire.