A friend of mine was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission.

Repeated requests for repair brought only promises.

After several days, the phone company was again contacted and told that there was no longer a rush.

The phone was now working fine–except that all money was being returned upon completion of each call.

A repairman arrived within the hour!

“We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”
– Vice President Al Gore, 9/22/97

“For NASA, space is still a high priority.”
– Vice President Al Gore, 9/5/93

“Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.”
– Vice President Al Gore

“The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I mean in this century’s history. But we all lived in this century. I didn’t live in this century.”
– Vice President Al Gore, 9/15/95

“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.”
– Vice President Al Gore

“[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.”
– Vice President Al Gore

“We’re all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made.”
– Vice President Al Gore

“I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy – but that could change.”
– Vice President Al Gore, 5/22/98

“One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is ‘to be prepared.’”
– Vice President Al Gore, 12/6/93

“Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.”
– Vice President Al Gore, 11/30/96

“I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.”
– Vice President Al Gore

“The future will be better tomorrow.”
– Vice President Al Gore

“We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world.”
– Vice President Al Gore, 9/21/97

“I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made.”
– Vice President Al Gore to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93

“We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe.”
– Vice President Al Gore

One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping.

Didn’t realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note:

“Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad.”

MS-DOS: You get in the car and try to remember where you put the keys.

WINDOWS: You get in the car and drive to the store very slowly, because attached to the back of the car is a freight train.

MAC SYSTEM 7: You get in the car to go to the store and the car drives you to church.

UNIX: You get in the car and type GREP STORE. After reaching 2000 mph en route, you arrive at the barber’s shop.

WINDOWS NT: You get in the car and write a letter that says ‘go to the store’. Then you get out of the car and nail the letter to the dashboard.

TALIGENT/PINK: You walk to the store with Ricardo Montalban who tells you how wonderful it will be when he can fly you to the store in his Learjet.

OS/2: After fuelling up with 6000 gallons of gas you get in the car and drive to the store with a motorcycle escort and a marching band in procession. Halfway there, the car blows up, killing everyone in town.

S/36 SSP: You get in the car and drive to the store. Halfway there you run out of gas. While walking the rest of the way you are run over by kids on mopeds.

AS/400: An attendant kicks you into the car and then drives you to the store where you watch everyone else buy filets mignon.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Cop-out number 1. You should have seen it when I got it.

Create a need and fill it.

Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.

Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you’re doing.

Creditors have better memories than debtors.

Crime wouldn’t pay if the government ran it.

Dare to be average.

Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.

Definition of an elephant: A mouse built to government specifications