All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.

All work and no play, will make you a manager.

Almost everything in life is easier to get into than to get out of.

Always hire a rich attorney.

Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn’t work out.

Always listen to experts. They’ll tell what can’t be done and why. Then do it.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn!

Always try to stop talking before people stop listening.

Am I good at delegating? You Bet! I always find someone to blame!

Ambiguity is invariant.

NO ZAMBODIANS, PLEASE: Judge Rules Out Prince Mongo’s Costume

MEMPHIS, Tenn. – A judge has ruled that a defendant can’t show up for trial wearing fur, bones, goggles and pale green body paint, even if he is from the planet Zambodia.

But an attorney for the man who calls himself Prince Mongo wants to make a federal case out of his client’s 10-day jail sentence for contempt of court. Slug PM-Prince Mongo. New, may stand. Federal court hearing starts at 1 p.m. EDT.

Gender
Radical feminism

Oppressors
White male heterosexuals

Bias
Basing scholarship on reason and evidence

Patriarchal models
Objectivity, logic, rational discourse, mathematics, science, the Bible, the U.S. Constitution, family values, motherhood and apple pie

Politically aware
Politically far-left

Being divisive
Deviating from the beliefs of the politically aware (see politically aware); synonymous with being hostile

Liberal arts education
Political indoctrination

Guilt
Feeling bad about your genes, but not about your actions

Women and men
The forces of good and evil in the dualism of gender (see gender)

Diversity
The gathering together of as large a group as possible of discontents, deviants and social misfits while excluding, suppressing and bashing conservatives, Republicans, evangelicals, adherents of historical religions, serious students and anyone resistant to indoctrination

Sensitivity
Being deferential toward and extraordinarily circumspect around those included in diversity while gratuitously attacking those excluded from diversity (see diversity)

Greater diversity
Doing a better job of weeding out those excluded from diversity (see diversity)

Being exclusive
Providing equal opportunity and equal protection under the law, regardless of race or sex

Hermeneutics/Deconstructionism
Interpreting texts from the perspective of gender (see gender) with a rationalization by anyone with a French name

Victims
All those not fitting the definition of oppressor (see oppressors) and officially recognized far-left groups; does not include refugees from leftist totalitarian countries, such as Vietnamese boat people, Cuban immigrants, etc.

Sexism
The discrimination against and stereotyping of women or the failure to discriminate against and stereotype men

Racism
The belief held by white oppressors (see oppressors) that their race is superior to that of non-white victims (see Victims) or the failure to apologize for one’s own race if that race should be white; term is not applicable to non-whites

Moderates
The Sandinistas, Castro, Lenin, Mao, Hillary Clinton and all those who are politically aware (see politically aware)

Ultra-conservatives/the far right
All those to the right of moderates (see moderates)

Leftists
The empty set; exist only in the rhetoric of ultra-conservatives (see ultra-conservatives)

Inclusive language
An ostentatious form of new speak which seeks to remove the generic use of ‘man’ and ‘he’ (along with common sense and eloquence) from the language, e.g. “What are persons, that thou art mindful of her/him? and the child of persons, that thou doest care for him/her?”

Censorship
A good thing when done by politically aware (see poltically unaware), e.g. punishing owners of baseball teams for alleged comments made during private conversations; a bad thing when done by ultra-conservatives (see ultra-conservatives).

Iconoclasm
1. An activity self-righteously pursued by the politically aware; 2. an activity considered criminal when the icons of the politically aware are involved (see politically aware)

Iconoclast
One who can dish it out but can’t take it

LOS ANGELES TIMES, October 8:

People of northwestern Montana have been advised to be on the lookout for drunken bears. Black bears and grizzlies have been congregating along the tracks of the Burlington Northern railroad tracks, where a train carrying hundreds of tons of corn derailed some time ago. The corn has fermented, and the aroma is attracting the bears. “The bears are actually intoxicated up there,” said wildlife biologist Loren Hicks. And a grizzly with a hangover can be cross as a bear.

A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.

The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink–he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him.

The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.

A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely–but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.

The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.

A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.

The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.

The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries “Man! How many bars do you work at?”