A good scapegoat is hard to find.

A good slogan can stop analysis for fifty years.

A good solution can be successfully applied to almost any problem.

A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.

A little ambiguity never hurt anyone.

A little humility is arrogance.

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

A little ignorance can go a long way.

A man of quality does not fear a woman seeking equality.

A man should be greater than some of his parts

Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout.

“You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution,” screamed the terrorist leader, “and you’re going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?”

The Englishman spoke first.

“Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing “God Save The Queen” to all you men.”

“That can be arranged,” said the terrorist.

The Frenchman said, “And I want to honor my country before I die by singing “The Marseilles” to your men.”

The Japanese said, “Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Mapanese style of industrial management.”

The terrorist turned finally to the American.

“What is your last request?”

The American replied, “I want you to kill me right now so I don’t have to listen to another lecture on the Japanese style of industrial management!”

A golfer walks into the clubhouse of the local country club. He tells the golf pro behind the counter that he wants to do 18 and he is going to need a caddy. The golf pro informs him that the country club is running a promotion and if he tries out one of their experimental robot caddies, he can golf for free. The golfer agrees and takes out the robot. While on the golf course the robot caddy tells the golfer the wind speed, distance, even how hard to hit which club. He has the best game of his life.

The next time the golfer goes to the country club, he tells the golf pro that he wants to do 18 holes and that he wants to get one of the robot caddies.

He informs the golfer that they don’t have the robot caddies anymore. The golfer, all upset, tells him how great they were and asks him what happened.

The golf pro tells him that members were complaining that the sun would reflect of their metallic material and into their eyes.

The golfer asks him why they didn’t just paint the robots black?

The golf pro said that they did, but the next day, 3 of them didn’t show up and the other 3 robbed the pro shop.

GET OUT YOUR ‘PORTABLE HAND-HELD COMMUNICATIONS INSCRIBERS’

WASHINGTON – When is a pencil not a pencil? When it’s on a Pentagon shopping list – then it’s a ”portable hand-held communications inscriber,” says a Republican senator.

Have you been spending more and more time using the Internet? Have your cheeks taken on that pasty white glow from over-exposure to your computer monitor? How do you know if you’re addicted to the Net and losing touch with reality? Take the Net Addict’s Reality Test.

Answer the following multiple choice questions and check out your score to see if you should be concerned:

What do you think are good names for children?
a) Scott and Jenny.
b) Bill Gates IV.
c) Mozilla and Dotcom.

What’s a telephone?
a) A thing with a round dial you use to talk to others.
b) A telecommunications device with 12 keys.
c) Something you plug into a modem.

Which punctuation is most correct?
a) I had a wonderful day!
b) I had a **wonderful** day!!!
c) I had a wonderful day

You wake up at 4:00 a.m. and decide to:
a) Visit the washroom.
b) Raid the fridge.
c) Check your E-mail.

What are RAM and ROM?
a) A male sheep and a city in Italy.
b) Hulking stars of the WWF.
c) I need more of the former and should upgrade the latter.

To avoid a virus you should:
a) Stay away from people who sneeze and cough.
b) Never read E-mail titled “Good Times”.
c) Use virus scanning software every time you boot up.

When you want to buy something hard-to-find you:
a) Ask friends where to purchase it.
b) Check out the Yellow Pages.
c) Go to Yahoo!

When you don’t understand how to use a new appliance you:
a) Call the retailer.
b) Call the manufacturer’s toll-free number.
c) Visit the manufacturer’s Web site and look for the FAQ.

When you want to see all the beautiful people you:
a) Visit a club on a Saturday night.
b) Turn on the TV and tune in to Baywatch.
c) Check out the alt.binary newsgroups.

How do you introduce yourself at a party?
a) Hi, I’m Jane!
b) Hi, I’m a Taurus on the cusp.
c) Hi, I’m a 5’10″ hot blonde with a super bod.

When you’re interested in someone at a party you say:
a) Tell me more about yourself.
b) What’s your star sign?
c) What’s your Profile?

If you really like the person, you say:
a) Could you tell me your phone number?
b) What’s your E-mail address?
c) Let’s chat Private.

When I say spam, you think:
a) Ham in a can.
b) Unsolicited advertising E-mail.
c) I mailbomb all spammers!

When you receive an AOL trial diskette, you say:
a) I don’t need another mug coaster.
b) Great! I’ll reformat and use it for backups.
c) Great! I’ll sign up under a fake ID and use up the 50 hours.

When you want to research a reference you:
a) Open up a volume of your encyclopedia.
b) Slip Encarta in your CD-ROM drive.
c) Go to www.altavista.digital.com.

When you write a letter you:
a) Put pencil to paper.
b) Open Eudora.
c) Ask: What’s a letter? Is it like E-mail?

Different types of text formatting include:
a) Writing and printing.
b) Underline and double-strike.
c) Bold and italic.

You correct errors using:
a) An eraser.
b) White-out.
c) Backspace or delete.

You sign your name:
a) Best regards, John Smith.
b) See you in IRC, John_Smith.
c) Check out my home page for the cool links, [email protected].

To keep a copy of your letter you:
a) Insert a carbon and a second sheet.
b) Take it to the photocopier.
c) Check your Sent Mail folder.

SCORING:

Give yourself zero points for each “a” response, five for each “b” and 10 for each “c”.

If you scored 150 or higher, unplug your computer and log more hours in real life. If you scored between 50 and 145, you’re living a good mix of Net and reality. If you scored under 50, you probably didn’t read this far.