Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question then finally said, “That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.”

There were these two best friends out playing golf one beautiful day. After hitting their tee shots, both noticed that neither was even close to the fairway. One friend hit it way left, the other way right.

They decided that since the shots were so bad, they’d just meet up at the hole.

So the first guy went off and looked and looked and finally found his ball sitting down deep in a field of beautiful Buttercups. He promptly pulled out his 7 iron and started whacking away. Buttercups were flying everywhere, but the ball wouldn’t come out.

Well, finally Mother Nature got mad.

She came up from the ground and said to the man, “I’ve created this beautiful field of Buttercups and you have no respect for them at all, now they are ruined. I’m going to have to punish you. Since these are Buttercups, your punishment is that you cannot have butter for a year.”

The man started to laugh and went back to whacking at the Buttercups.

Mother Nature said, “Hey, this is no laughing matter. What do you find so funny?”

The man looked up and said, “My buddy is over on the other side in the Pussywillows.”

Boston Globe, April 13, 1990

Is there justice in this world? Well, in Jacksonville, Fla., an Internal Revenue Service car parked outside the federal courthouse was “booted” for unpaid parking tickets, forcing tax collectors to fork over $122.50 to set it free.

The IRS had to pay $95 for five tickets, a $25 removal fee plus $2.50 for processing to get the boot taken off, said Gertrude Bradley, clerical supervisor for the city parking division.

With the tax-filing deadline closing in, courthouse employees were chuckling about the IRS’ misfortune. But the agency was not amused.

“We’re not pleased with it,” said spokesman Holger Euringer. Yeah, we’re all really upset.

The Top 15 Signs Your Webmaster is in a Cult

15. Every link seems to take you to www.amway.com.

14. Repetition of same banner ads: Stoli, Mott’s… Stoli, Mott’s…

13. He brings twenty-three wives to the office Holiday Party.

12. Instead of counting up visitors, your site counts down days to the apocalypse.

11. Suddenly your travel agency’s site is featuring inter-planetary excursions for comet watching and one-way tickets to Guyana.

10. His home page says “Best viewed from the Mothership.”

9. Your website’s “Hall of Fame” inductees required to do stint handing out flowers at airport.

8. Your website is honored as the David Koresh Fan Club’s “Site of the Day.”

7. She has 38 roommates, yet is oddly stress-free.

6. Insists that Sabbath actually begins when “X-files” ends.

5. Frequently mutters about the “Prophet Steve Jobs” returning to rescue the true believers.

4. Not only does he understand Unix, he *IS* one.

3. Big “N” on your browser replaced by spinning head of Charles Manson.

2. He only answers to the name, “Doe-bert.”

1. Ugly clothes; insufficient diet; lack of sleep; goofy haircut; lives in a mansion; has many followe… Hey, wait a minute! That’s Bill Gates!!

A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together. They add up their life savings into a total of $200.00.

Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it. The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull. When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it.

Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams. The farmer says he wants $200 for it. The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer.

The farmer says, “Alright then, I’ll give you a great deal, how about $199.00?”

The brunette accepts and buys the bull. She has $1.00 left for the telegram. The telegram guy says, “It’s $1.00 per word.” The brunette thinks about this and says,”Comfortable, write that.”

“Comfortable?” the guy questions.

“Yes, you see she reads slow.”