Bellevue, WA

There’s a story circulating through the Bellevue School District about the woman who called wanting information on home schooling.

Both Lake Washington (Renton, WA) and Bellevue districts are noted for their support of home schoolers, and the Bellevue spokesperson was explaining procedures and what to do to the mother on the telephone.

Among other things, the mother needed to file a declaration of intent, a kind of home school registration. The spokeswoman offered to send out the proper form.

The mother gave a Renton address.

The spokeswoman suggested registering the children in her home district in Renton, the Lake Washington School District.

“No way,” said the mother. “Everyone knows Bellevue schools are much better than Renton schools.”

NEW Different color from previous design
ALL NEW Parts not interchangeable with previous design
EXCLUSIVE Imported product
UNMATCHED Almost as good as the competition
DESIGNED SIMPLICITY Manufacturer’s cost cut to the bone
FOOLPROOF OPERATION No provision for adjustments
ADVANCED DESIGN The advertising agency doesn’t understand it
IT’S HERE AT LAST! Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming
FIELD-TESTED Manufacturer lacks test equipment
HIGH ACCURACY Unit on which all parts fit
DIRECT SALES ONLY Factory had big argument with distributor
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT We finally got one that works
REVOLUTIONARY It’s different from our competitors
BREAKTHROUGH We finally figured out a way to sell it
FUTURISTIC No other reason why it looks the way it does
DISTINCTIVE A different shape and color than the others
MAINTENANCE-FREE Impossible to fix
RE-DESIGNED Previous faults corrected, we hope…
HAND-CRAFTED Assembly machines operated without gloves
PERFORMANCE PROVEN Will operate through the warranty period
MEETS ALL STANDARDS Ours, not yours
ALL SOLID-STATE Heavy as Hell!
BROADCAST QUALITY Gives a picture and produces noise
HIGH RELIABILITY We made it work long enough to ship it
SMPTE BUS COMPATIBLE When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound
NEW GENERATION Old design failed, maybe this one will work
MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS We got a good deal at a government auction
CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY You can return it from most airports
UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way
BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES We finally got it to fit together
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED Manufacturer’s, upon cashing your check
MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED Does things we can’t explain
AEROSPACE TECHNOLOGY One of our techs was laid off by Boeing

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, “I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight’s concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star.”

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, “Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don’t I?”

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer’s club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.

“It ain’t so bad,” one crook noted. “We got $25 between us.”

The boss screamed: “I warned you to stay clear of lawyers–we had $100 when we broke in!”

New York, NY

Police across the nation are warning people who wear pagers to be on the lookout for the latest scam.

According to police, pagers in several states have been beeped by a number displaying a 212 area code (New York) and the prefix 540. When the victims return the call, they are charged $55 on their phone bill.

The call the respondent makes has been electronically linked into a 900 “pay-per-call” system which allows the charge to be added to the phone bill.

“People will look at the number and say ‘Gee, who is calling me from out of state? It must be important,’” said an investigator.