Wednesday, October 21, 1992 The local board of health closed down the Wing Wah Chinese restaurant in South Dennis, Mass., briefly in August for various violations. The most serious, said officials, was the restaurant’s practice of draining water from cabbage by putting it in cloth laundry bags, placing them between two pieces of plywood in the parking lot, and driving over them with a van. Said Health Director Ted Dumas, “I’ve seen everything now.”

A recent survey done by marriage experts shows that the most common form of marriage proposal these days consists of the words: “You’re what?!?”

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The physician said, “Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession.”

The engineer replied, “But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine.”

Then, the lawyer spoke up. “Yes,” he said, “But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?”

The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.

“Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?” she asked the instructor.

“P-u-t-t is correct,” he replied.

“Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing.”

St. Paul, MN

The hit movie “Home Alone” about a boy thwarting burglars with imaginative mayhem, wasn’t total fantasy. Just ask the guy who tried to break in while 13-year-old Ryan Hendrickson was home alone.

Ryan was watching television Wednesday night when he heard a noise that sounded like a window screen being cut.

“I ran to the closet and grabbed a bat,” Ryan said Thursday. “I went…into the dining room, where I saw him cutting the window with a knife. He put his left hand in first and I was waiting for his right hand to come in…and I took the baseball bat and I hit him as hard as I could.”

The man ran. Ryan called 911.

Police, while cautioning Ryan to call 911 first next time, did enjoy the fact that the kid got in the first lick against a bad guy.