A woman goes to the doctor complaining of bad knee pains. After the
diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor questions her, “There must be something you’re doing that you haven’t told me. Can you think of anything that might be doing this to your knees?”

“Well,” she said a little sheepishly, “my husband and I have sex doggy-style on the floor every night.”

“That’s got to be it,” said the doctor. “There are plenty of other positions and ways to have sex, you know.”

“Not if you’re going to watch T.V. there ain’t,” she replied.

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.

“Doctor, the hormones you’ve been giving me have really helped, but I’m afraid that you’re giving me too much. I’ve started growing hair in places that I’ve never grown hair before.”

The doctor reassured her. “A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?”

“On my balls!”

Last year, a guy went to a doctor because he was losing weight.

He found out he had a tapeworm, and was instructed by the doctor to bring a muffin, a Twinkie and a cookie with him on his next visit.

When he was being examined the doctor shoved the muffin, the Twinkie, and finally the cookie up the guy’s ass. The patient protested, but the doctor calmed him down, saying it was part of the therapy.

This treatment continued for several weeks and every time the doctor shoved a muffin, a Twinkie and a cookie up his ass.

Finally, after many visits, the Doctor instructed the patient to bring a muffin, a Twinkie and a mallet for the next visit.

The day arrived and this time the doctor shoved only the muffin and the Twinkie up the patient’s ass.

After a few minutes the tapeworm appeared out of his asshole and demanded, “Where’s my cookie!?” WHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!

This chick walks into a doctors surgery and the nurse tells her to take off her clothes and that the doctor will be with her in a minute so she does.

The doctor walks in and take off his coat and starts to feel between her thighs. He asks “do you know what I’m doing now” and she replies “your checking for menopause” and he says “very good”.

Then he starts feeling her tits and he asks her “do you know what I’m doing now” and she says “checking for breast cancer” and he says “very good”.

Then He jumps on her and starts rooting her and asks if she knows what
he’s doing know and she replies “contracting genital herpes cause thats why I came to see you”

Obesity has been getting a lot of bad press recently. Research conducted entirely by thin people, has uncovered justification for their own masochistic obsessive-compulsive, fun-killing anal retentative lifestyles.

One of the great problems with research, of course, is that the researchers tend to find what they’re looking for. And when they find it, they stop looking for other things. It’s important, therefore, not to believe research by pressure groups that start with preconceived ideas.

Examples of findings not to believe: research on the benefits of exercise by phys. Ed. Department, on the hazards of cholesterol by an anorexic and on the joy of obesity by an overweight G. P. The whole obesity phobia was started by some statistics from a life insurance company purporting to show that people who were overweight didn’t live as long as people who were underweight. These were very raw figures and led to some unwarranted conclusions.

First, it was assumed that if the overweight group lost weight they’d live longer. This was totally unproved. It never will be proved, as there are just not enough people to study who’ve lost weight permanently. [95% of those who lose weight gain it back again within 5 years -ed] [and the yo-yo effect of losing then gaining many pounds repeatedly causes a greater health risk than staying overweight. -ed]

Second, it did not address the possibility that the obese group might have another factor affecting lifespan. It seems this is very likely, since the Framington Study showed that if diabetics and those with heart disease were removed from the obese group, the obese group lived longer.

Let’s list some benefits of obesity:

Overeating Is Fun. Make a list of all the pleasures that are in this life and you’ll find the list isn’t very long. The one pleasure that’s life-long and never pales is eating.

Carrying Fat Is Good Exercise. If you believe in exercise (I don’t), surely carrying around 20 or 30 pounds of fat all day should be good for you.

Obese People Are Nicer People. This is not just a hasty remark, but the result of careful clinical observation. I’ve seen an average of 20 patients a day for 30 years. I can tell you that these people are more jolly, more kind, more forgiving and just generally nicer. Although it could be the other way round, losing weight and keeping it off, is so rare that only obsessive-compulsives are able to do it. This may be admirable, but obsessive-compulsives aren’t relaxing people to be with. [I agree. Really thin and athletic people are that way usually from a driving goal-oriented personality. In short, they are assholes. -ed.]

Obese People Represent Superior Adaptation. In days gone by, there were many advantages to being able to convert excess food into fat. The long winters were better survived by those with a reserve of calories.

Climatic Adaptation. Obese people can survive cold better. In particular, their cold-water survival ability has been demonstrated many times.

Obese People Make Better Lovers. This is a fact known to romantics the world over. Bony lovers can never compete with what G.K. Chesterston referred to as the “promise of pneumatic bliss.”

Anorexia, a terrible condition, is rare among obese people.
Those who consider the highly trained athlete to be the ideal human might want to consider the greatest duration runner of the animal kingdom, the pronghorn antelope of Wyoming. It can run 95km/h for an hour. It has tremendous lungs, an amazing cardiac output and a maximum oxygen uptake that might deplete the Earth’s resources. So why didn’t this marvel of nature become a widespread species? Since these antelopes have no body fat, and can standneither cold nor lack or food, few survive the Wyoming winter.

Think about it.