A father walked into the market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid was spinning a quarter in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they walked through the market, someone bumped into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin went straight into his mouth and lodged in his throat. He immediately started choking and going blue in the face, and his Dad started panicking, shouting and screaming for help.

A middle-aged man in a gray suit was sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion he looked up, put his coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folded his newspaper and placed it on the counter. He got up from his seat and made his way nonchalantly across the market. Reaching the boy, the man carefully took hold of the kids gonads and squeezed gently but firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulsed violently and coughed up the quarter, which the man caught in his free hand. Releasing the boy, the man gave the coin to the father and walked back to his seat in the coffee bar without looking back.

As soon as he was sure that his son had suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushed over to the man and thanked him profusely. The man looked embarrassed and brushed off the fathers thanks. “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. What are you, a surgeon or something like that?”

“Oh, good heavens no,” the man replied. “I work for the IRS.”

A country doctor is suturing a laceration on the hand of an old farmer.

Old man: “All you need to know about politics is that young George Bush is a post turtle.”

Doctor: “Oh? What is a post turtle?”

Old man: “When yer driving down a country road, and ya come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top? That’s a post turtle. Ya know he didn’t get there by himself, he don’t belong there, he cain’t get anything done while he’s up there, and you just want to help take the poor thang down.”

Four doctors were talking shop one day…

An Israeli doctor said, “Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks.”

A German doctor said “That’s nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks.”

A Russian doctor said, “In my country, medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another and have them both looking for work in two weeks.”

The American doctor, not to be outdone, said “Hah! We took an asshole out of Texas, put him in the White House and half the country was looking for work the next day!”

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, but with one catch – he couldn’t return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “One million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.”

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.” The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”

“Why so much more than the others?” the interviewer asked.

The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer.”

A woman three months pregnant falls into a deep coma. Six months later, she awakes and asks the nearest doctor about the fate of her baby.

“You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine,” says the doctor. “Luckily, your brother named them for you.”

“Oh shit, not by brother! He’s an idiot! What did he call the girl?”

“Denise,” the doctor replies.

Thinking that isn’t so bad, she asks, “And what did he call the boy?”

The doctor answers, “Denephew.”