President George W. Bush was going to a Home Depot. He was surrounded by his bodyguards, and everyone immediately took notice of the unusual sight. They looked closer and they saw who it was.

Everyone was in awe. “Why would George W. bush be in a Home Depot?” they all asked each other. “He should have his workers do it for him”. Finally, one man asked the President, “What are you doing in this little store of ours?”

To which George replied, “Oh, everyone has been saying that I should get a new cabinet”.

George Bush and Dick Cheney are talking, when Bush suddenly complains “I hate all the dumb George Bush jokes people tell about me.”

Cheney, feeling sorry for his “boss,” says “Oh, they’re only jokes. There are a lot of truly stupid people out there. Here, I’ll prove it to you.”

Cheney takes Bush outside and hails a cab.

“Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I’m home,” says Cheney. The cab driver, without saying a word, drives them to 29 Nickel Street.

Cheney looks at Bush and says, “See! This guy is really stupid.”

George Bush agrees. “He really is a dummy. There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead.”

Conversation between George W. and his National Security Advisor, Condolezza Rice:

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What’s happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That’s what I want to know.

Condi: That’s what I’m telling you.

George: That’s what I’m asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow’s name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The Chinaman!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya’ asking me for?

Condi: I’m telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I’m asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That’s the man’s name.

George: That’s who’s name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That’s correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don’t want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice, here.

George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Thanks.

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer’s barn.

The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer told him he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, “Lordy, were they ALL dead?”

The old farmer said, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you know how them crooked politicians lie.”

A kid was sitting on his lawn with a box of puppies one morning. George Bush was on his morning run, accompanied by some Secret Service workers. Dubya asked the boy what kind of puppies were in the box.

The little boy said, “Republicans.”

The President beamed, patted the boy on the head, and said, “Thatta boy!”

A few weeks later Bush was jogging again, this time with Dick Cheney in tow. Bush stopped at the boy’s house, winked at Dick and said, “Hey kid, what kind of pupies are in the box?”

The boy said, “Democracts”

Bush looked crushed, saying, “What happened? A few weeks ago they were Republicans!”

The boy said, “Well, the puppies opened their eyes.”