One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared.

“I’ll grant you your fondest wish,” the genie said.

The man thought for a moment, then said, “I want a spectacular job. A job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try.”

“Poof!” said the genie. “You’re a housewife.”

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem!”

“What’s the problem, Eve?”

“Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy.”

“Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above.

“Lord, I am lonely. And I’m sick to death of apples.”

“Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.”

“What’s a ‘man,’ Lord?”

“This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He’ll lie, cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he’ll give you a hard time. But, he’ll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will provide you with companionship and satisfy

your desires. Yet, he’ll be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won’t be too smart, so he’ll also need your advice to think properly.”

“Sounds great,” says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. “What’s the catch, Lord?”

“As I said, he’ll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring. So you’ll have to let him believe that I made him first. So, just remember: it’s our secret. Woman to Woman.”

In the beginning, the plan for a divine human design was painstakingly implemented.

“The nerve endings,” said St. Peter, “how many will I put in her hands?”

“How many did we put in Adam?” asked The Lord.

“Two hundred, O Mighty One.”

“Then we shall do the same for the woman.”

“How many nerve endings should we put in woman’s genitals, O Mightiest?”

“How many did we put in Adam?”

“Four hundred twenty, O Mighty One.”

“Oh yeah, now I remember, we wanted Adam to have a little fun procreating, didn’t we? Do the same for woman.”

“Yes, O Great Lord.”

“Wait! Hold it, Pete, Give her ten thousand, it’d be a hoot to hear her scream out my name…”

Maternity leave would last for two years…with full pay.

There’d be a cure for stretch marks.

Natural childbirth would become obsolete.

Morning sickness would rank as the nation’s number one health problem.

All methods of birth control would be improved 100 percent

effectiveness.

Children would be kept in the hospital until they were toilet trained.

Men would be EAGER to talk about commitment.

They wouldn’t think twins were quite so cute.

Fathers would demand thaqt their SONS be home from dates by 10:00pm.

Men could use THEIR briefcases as diaper bags.

They’d have to stop saying,”I’m afraid I’ll drop him.”

Paternity suits would be a line of clothes.

They’d stay in bed for the entire nine months.

Menus at most restaurants would list ice cream and pickles as an entree.

1. Maternity leave would last two years… with full pay.

2. There would be a cure for stretch marks.

3. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.

4. Morning sickness would rank as the nation’s #1 health problem.

5. All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.

6. Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.

7. Men would be eager to talk about commitment.

8. They wouldn’t think twins were so cute.

9. Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM.

10. Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.

11. Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.

12. They’d stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.

13. Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entree’s.

14. Women would rule the world.