Here’s a list of summer camps you may NOT want to send your kids to:

Tommy Lee’s

Camp Kickachick

Monica Lewinsky’s

Camp Suckaweewee

President Clinton’s

Camp Getahoochie

Ellen DeGeneres’s

Camp Lickacoochie

Kenneth Star’s

Camp Catchacrook

O.J. Simpson’s

Camp Killachick

Lorena Bobbit’s

Camp Cutaweewee

Tonya Harding’s

Camp Clubaknee

Pamela Lee’s

Camp Lottatatas

Michael Jackson’s

Camp Wannabewhitey

1. Your potted plants stay alive.

2. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.

5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook-up and break-up.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as ‘dressed up’.

10. You’re the one calling the police because those darn kids next door don’t know how to turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.

17. Dinner and a movie – it’s the whole date instead of just the beginning of one.

18. MTV News is no longer your primary source for information.

19. You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer ‘pretty good stuff’.

21. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

22. Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, diet Pepsi, Ho-Ho’s.

23. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”

24. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

25. You don’t drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

You try to enter your password on the microwave.

You now think of three espresso’s as “getting wasted.”

You no longer own a real deck of cards because all your favorite card games [solitaire, spades, and hearts] are all played on your computer.

Every commercial on television has a web-site address at the bottom of the screen.

You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you.

You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back “What’s for dinner?”

Your friend’s daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.

10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.

The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

7) You don’t have to compliment the person who gives you some.

6) It’s O.K. when the person you’re with fantasizes you’re someone else, because you are.

5) Forty years from now you’ll still enjoy candy.

4) If you don’t like what you get, you can always go next door.

3) It doesn’t matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2) Less guilt the morning after.

1) YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.

You know you’re out of college when

1. Your salary is less than your tuition.

2. Your potted plants stay alive.

3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.

4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.

6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.

7. You haven’t seen a soap opera in over a year.

8. 8:00 am is not early.

9. You have to file your own taxes.

10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.

11. You’re not carded anymore.

12. You carry an umbrella.

13. You learn that bachelor is a nice term for “jackass”.

14. “Extended childhood” only really pertains to your salary which is a little less than your allowance used to be.

15. “Twenty-something” means over-qualified, under-paid and not married.

16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up and divorce instead of break-up.

17. You start watching the weather channel.

18. Jeans, flannels and baseball caps aren’t staples in your wardrobe.

19. You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack.

20. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.

21. You stop confusing 401k plan with 10K run.

22. You go to parties that police don’t raid.

23. Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you… and they’re no longer “adults” – they are your peers.

24. You don’t know what time Wendy’s closes anymore.

25. Your car insurance goes down.

26. You refer to college students as kids.

27. You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon and rum.

28. Your parents start making casual remarks about grandchildren.

29. You feed your dog science diet instead of taco bell.

30. Your idea of a rocking Friday night is scoring one of the new releases at Blockbuster.

31. Half your conversations with current college students start with, “When I was in college…”