A little boy wakes up three nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents’ bedroom. Finally, one morning he goes to his mom and says, “Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you’re bouncing up and down on him.”

His mom is taken by surprise and says. “Oh… well I’m bouncing on his stomach because he’s fat and that makes him thin again.”

The boy says, “That won’t work.”

His mom says, “Why?”

The boy replies. “Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!”

Miss Annabell had just returned from her big trip to New York City and was having refreshments on the front porch of her daddy’s mansion with her southern belle friends. She tells them the stories of her trip as they stare spellbound. “You just wouldn’t believe what they have there in New York City,” says Miss Annabell. “They have men there who kiss other men on the lips.”

Miss Annabell’s friends fan themselves and say, “Oh my! Oh my!”

“They call them homosexuals,” proclaims Miss Annabell.

“Oh my! Oh my,” proclaim the girls as they fan themselves.

“They also have women there in New York City who kiss other women on the lips!”

“Oh my! Oh my,” exclaim the girls. “What do they call them?” they ask.

“They call them lesbians,” says Miss Annabell.

“They also have men who kiss women between the legs, there in New York City,” sighs Miss Annabell.

“Oh my! Oh my! Oh my,” exclaim the girls as the sit on the edge of their chairs and fan themselves even faster. “What do they call them?” they ask in unison.

Miss Annabell leans forward and says in a hush, “Why when I caught my breath, I called him Precious.”

A trumpeter is hired to play two solos in a movie. After the sessions he is paid handsomely and promised by the director that he will be notified when the movie is released to the public.

Three months later, he receives a notice that the movie will make its debut in Times Square at a porno house. The musician enters the theatre wearing a dark raincoat and shades. Unaccustomed to porno flicks, he sits in the last row next to an elderly couple.

The film has explicit sex scenes: oral intercourse, anal intercourse, golden showers, sado-masochism and near the end a dog has intercourse with the leading female character.

The musician who is immensely embarrassed turns to the elderly couple and whispers, “I wrote the score and I just came to hear the music”, to which the elderly woman whispers in reply, “We just came to see our dog.”

A middle-aged man who is about 5 feet, 8 inches tall walks into a Wal-Mart and asks where the pharmacy counter is. He is directed to it. When he reaches the pharmacy counter, he asks to see the pharmacist.

The pharmacist comes out, and the man, looking around furtively, asks quietly, “Do you sell Viagra here?”

The pharmacist answers firmly, “Yes, sir. We certainly do.”

The man then says, “Do you think I could get it over the counter?”

The pharmacist looks at him for a moment, compares his height to that of the counter, and then says, “Perhaps if you took 5 or 6 pills at once you might.”

Once upon a time Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the forest to her grandmother’s house. She was carrying a basket full of wonderful goodies for her and her grandmother to eat…

she also had a big gun to protect herself in the woods.

One day Little Red Riding Hood came upon a Fox. The fox looked at Little Red and says “Little Red Riding hood, what are you doing walking in the forest by yourself. You know if the wolf catches you he will rip your clothes off and fondle your titties.”

Little Red sighs and smiles at the fox and slowly opens her basket and shows the fox her gun and says “No he won’t, see I have a gun to protect myself.” She smiles and skips away from the fox to her grandmother’s house.

Little red gets deep within the forest when she comes upon a bear who wanders up to her and smells the yummy food in the basket then thinks to himself for a second and says, “What are you, stupid, Little Red? You know if the Wolf catches you alone in the forest he’s going to rip your clothes off and fondle your titties.”

Little Red shows the bear the big gun in her basket and smiles, “No he won’t I have a big gun in my basket ….” She pulls out the gun “See, nothing can harm me.” Little Red smiles and skips to grandmother’s house.

Little red finally makes it to grandmother’s house…and knocks on the door…no one answers so she goes right in. She walks to the bed, sees the Wolf and screams as the Wolf yells, “Little Red Riding Hood, I am going to rip your clothes off and fondle your titties!”

The wolf reaches out to her and Little Red smiles and pulls out her gun and yells, “No you’re not! You are going to EAT ME, JUST LIKE THE BOOKS SAYS!”