A Jewish girl came home one day and said, “Mom, I got married.”

Her mother said, “Oh, that’s great.”

The girl said, “But, Mom, he’s an Arab.”

Her mother said, “Oy, that’s not so great.”

The girl said, “But he’s an Arab sheik. He’s wealthy beyond your wildest dreams. You and Daddy are going to live in the lap of luxury for the rest of your lives.”

Six months later, the Jewish girl walked into the house and said, “Mom, I love my Arab sheik, but my God, all he wants to do is screw me in my ass. Day and night, all he’ll do is bang me in the ass. When I got married, my asshole was like a dime. Now it’s like a silver dollar.”

Her mother said, “So for 90 cents you’re going to make trouble?”

Nina lived in Manhattan. Nina’s younger sister, Rosey, came in from college to spend a weekend with her sophisticated sister. Nina had even arranged a date for Rosey with one of her friends, George.

After a lovely dinner and a show, George and Rosey went to George’s apartment for a nightcap. They talked and listened to soft music for a while and then George suggested they retire to the bedroom.

“Oh, no,” Rosey protested. “I don’t think my sister would like it.”

“Nonsense,” said George as he gently took her arm. “She loves it.”

A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, “You foreigners Come in. Come into my humbleshop.” So the married couple walked in.

The Pakistani man said to them, “I have some special sandals I think you’d be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel.”

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn’t need them, being the sex hero he was. The husband asked the man, “how could sandals make you into a sex freak?”

The Pakistani man replied, “Why don’t you try them on and see for yourself?” Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn’t seen in many years — raw sexual power.

In a blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani man, threw him on the table and started tearing at the guy’s pants.

All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, “YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!”

A noted sex therapist realized that people often lie about the frequency of their encounters, so he devised a test to tell for certain how often someone had sex.

To prove his theory, he filled up an auditorium with people, and went down the line asking each person to smile. Using the size of the person’s smile, the therapist was able to guess accurately how often each person had sex. The last man in line was grinning from ear to ear.

“Twice a day,” the therapist guessed, but was surprised when the man said no. “Once a day, then?” Again the answer was no. “Twice a week?”

“No.”

“Twice a month?”

“No.”

When the doctor asked, “Once a year?” the man finally said yes.

The therapist was angry that his theory hadnt worked with this individual, and he asked the man, “What the heck are you so happy about?”

The man answered, “Tonight’s the night!”

Three boys received their grades from their female sex education instructor. One got a D+, the second a D- and the third an F. “One day we should get her for this,” said the first boy. ”

I agree. We’ll grab her…” said the second.

“Yeah,” said the third. “And then we’ll kick her in the nuts!”