A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall, but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks, the two went back to the tall woman’s apartment.

“I can’t imagine what it will be like making love to a midget,” said the woman, “especially with the size difference and all.”

“Just take off your clothes, lie back on the bed, spread your legs, and close your eyes,” said the midget.

The woman did as she was told, and soon she felt the biggest thing she had ever experienced inside her. Within a few minutes, the woman had climaxed eight times.

“If you think was good,” said the midget with a smirk, “just wait till I get BOTH legs in there!”

A boy is home with his babysitter on a stormy night when the boy says “Usually on a stormy night mommy lets me cuddle with her”. The babysitter responds with “OK”.

They are cuddling when the boy says “Usually mommy lets me take a bath”. The babysitter says “ok”. The boy is in the tub when he says “Usually mommy gets in with me”. The babysitter says “Really? ok”. They are in the tub when the boy says “Usually my mommy lets me touch her bellybutton” The babysitter says “Really? ummmmm ok”.

Then the babysitter says “Hey that wasn’t my bellybutton!” The boy says “That wasn’t my finger either.”

Young David came home from school one day and found his pet chicken laying on the ground with his legs pointing straight up into the sky. When his father got home, he explained that the chicken has died and his legs were pointed up to Jesus in heaven.

They buried the chicken and that was that. Two weeks later his dad came home from work and David ran up to him yelling, “Daddy, Daddy, we nearly lost Mommy today.”

“What?” his father replied.

“When I got home from school, Mommy was laying on the bed with her legs pointing up in the air yelling, ‘Jesus, I’m coming, Jesus I’m coming.’ If it wasn’t for Uncle Terry holding her down we would have lost her for sure!”

A man walks into a tee shirt store. There are 3 shirts on display. The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled “Got Milk.”

The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled “Forgot Milk.”

The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache on it. It is entitled “Not Milk.”

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.” He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.” Once again he thanked her.

He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, “Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.” He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.

She replied, “If I told you, you would only laugh.”

“No, I wouldn’t,” he said.

She said, “I sell tampons.”

With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.

She said, “See, I knew you would laugh.”

“That’s not what I’m laughing at,” he replied. “I’m a toilet paper salesman, so I’m STILL one hole behind you!”