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Computers Jokes


A computer is a fun box (note derivation from the original Portuguese “Computador”) filled with unicorns and goblins, happy magical super magic, rainbows, wart toads computer games and brazillions and brazillions (note that Portuguese is spoken in Brazil by the Brazillions) of funographic images and videos that can do simple things like milking a cat, mathematical operations (not real ones though, as these are typically carried out by armies of human slaves, in large facilities called ‘schools’) and compose essays.

It’s other purposes include destruction of mankind, giving Bill Gates reasons to get filthy rich, and whacking your someone in the head(Yes!!!). It has been known to drive people up the wall while using it, which scientists think will lead to gay hockey players and several species of flying cow. It has been likened unto a potent sled dog that sucks the user into habitual addictive behaviors.
If you have fatigued your computer, it will start to moan in a rather bothering fashion. If this does happen you should get off as fast as possible, as not to get that magic juice on you. Magic juice has been known to cause extreme horniness for sharp objects.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr Welch himself):

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API – Time Magazine reports an interesting case of high-tech graffiti. It seems that a couple of Intel engineers working on the design of a recent version of the Pentium microprocessor included a message that describes their feelings about Bill Gates, president of Microsoft, a good corporate pal of Intel’s.
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Bill Gates dies in a car accident.

He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter.

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Bill Gates dies in a car accident.

He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter.

Read More…

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Posted in: Bill Gates Jokes, Computers Jokes No Comments.

A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

Things like ‘chalk’ or ‘pencil,’ she described, would have a gender association although in English these words were neutral. Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, “What gender is a computer?”

The teacher wasn’t certain which it was,and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was comprised of the women in the class, and the other, of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories.

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