There was this eighty-year-old man who was seeing the doctor for a checkup. The doctor asked why he needed the checkup. The man was getting married next month to a girl 60 years his junior. The doctor tried to talk him out of the marriage, and it didn’t work.

However, the doctor suggested, “If you want your marriage to last, I say you at least take in a boarder.”

The old man agreed.

The old man didn’t see the doctor until they met at a fund-raiser a year later.

The old man says, “Doc, congratulate me, my wife is pregnant.” “That’s good news,” said the doctor. “I knew the boarder would help.”

“Oh,” said the old man with a wicked grin, “and the boarder’s pregnant as well.”

It seems that this old couple are having trouble remembering things, so they sign up for a memory course. The course is wonderful; they come home and tell all their relatives, friends, and neighbors about it. Some months later, a neighbor approaches the man as he tends the garden.

Neighbor asks, “Say, Ed, what was the name of the instructor of that memory course you liked so much?”

Ed replies, “Well, it was…hmmm…let me think a minute… What’s the name of that flower, you know, the one that smells so nice, but has thorns on the stems…?

Neighbor says, “You mean a rose?”

Ed replies, “Yeah, that’s it!…(shouting toward house) Hey, Rose, what was the memory course instructor’s name?

This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench if from of a large pond. Across the other side of the pond are vendors sell all types of food stuff. The wife turns to hubby and say, “I could really go for an ice cream cone.”

Hubby replies, “Well, I’ll go get you one.”
Wife says, “But, you’ll forget, you better write it down.”
Hubby replies, “No I won’t; what do you want?”
Wife says, “Get me a Strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles.”
Hubby replies, “Okay, strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles. See, I’ll remember.

Several hours pass and, finally, the hubby returns.
The wife asks him, “What took you so long, did you get lost.”
The hubby replies, “No, and I got what you wanted.”
The wife opens the bag to discover a cheeseburger and fries?!
Wife says, “I knew you you should have written the order down.”
Hubby says, “What do you mean – every thing is there?”

To which the wife replies, “No, it’s not…look, you forgot the pickles!”

There’s this old man in a nursing home and he’s hornier than hell. So he sees this cute nurse and says, “How about a quickie for twenty bucks?”

She agrees and gets on top of him. They go at it for about ten minutes. After the act, the old man says, “You know, if I knew you were a virgin, I would have paid you a hundred bucks.”

In reply, the nurse says, “If I knew you could get it up that high, I would have taken off my pantyhose!”

An old man goes to the doctor. The doctor asks for stool, urine, blood, and semen samples. The old man can’t believe it. He takes all his little sample jars and goes home.

At home, he tells his wife that the doctor wants stool, urine, blood, and semen samples.

The wife looks aghast and then realisation spreads like the dawn across her wrinkled facial features. “That’s easy,” she says, relief obvious in her voice. “All he wants is your pajama pants!”