An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?”

The woman responded, “They help me sleep better.”

The doctor thought some more and continued, “How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?”

The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice and I sleep better at night!”

A man is talking to the family doctor. “Doc, I think my wife’s going deaf.” The doctor answers, “Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn’t answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you’ll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is.”

The man goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” He doesn’t hear an answer, so he moves closer to her.

“Honey, what’s for dinner?” Still no answer. He repeats this several times, until he’s standing just a few feet away from her.

Finally, she answers, “For the eleventh time, I said we’re having MEATLOAF!”

An extremely old man visits his doctor and tells him, “I need my sex drive lowered.”

The doctor, incredulous, says, “What?? You want your sex drive _lowered_??”

To which the old man replies, “It’s all in my head; I need it LOWERED!”

A 90-year old man announces his intention to marry a woman of
30.

He is persuaded to have a medical exam first. “Everyone tells me I need a checkup to see if I’m sexually fit,” he says to the doctor.

“Okay,” says the medic, “let me see your sex organs.”

So the old guy sticks out his tongue and his middle finger.

This 82-year-old man married a 22-year-old woman and they decided that they wanted to have kids. So after trying for a while with no success, he went to see the urologist, pretty discouraged. The urologist said not to get discouraged and that they could run some tests.

“Take this specimen jar into the bathroom and leave me a specimen to test,” the doctor said.

The old man closed the door, and about an hour and a half later, still had not come out. The doctor came by and asked, “Are you alright?”

“No” the old man said. “This just isn’t going to work.” he dejectedly explained. “There’s no hope for me, I’ve worn out my left hand, I’ve worn out my right hand, I’ve run cold water over it, and I’ve run hot water over it. I’ve even thumped it on the edge of the sink.

But no way can I get the top off this specimen jar!”