What do you get when 23 Arkansas women are in one room?

A full set of teeth!

Cyber lingo for rednecks

Windows-A fun zone for Fido.
Modem-A good way to get rid of weeds.
Mouse-Something the cat chases.

Q: What do a redneck divorce and a tornado have in common?
A: Either way somebody loses a trailer home!

You know you’re a redneck if your wife wants to take a bath but you have to move the transmision from the tub first.

You know you’re a red neck when you go to family reunions to pick up chicks!

If you’ve been married three times and your in-laws aint changed then you might just be a redneck.

If a sign reads say no to crack and you pull up your pants then you might just be a redneck.

You know you are redneck when you mow your lawn and find a car.

You know you are redneck when your favorite shirt is illegal in more then 15 states.

You know you are redneck when you shut your car door and your gun makes you a sun-roof.

You know you are redneck when your friends go water skiing while you are towing your boat to the lake.

You might be a redneck if your exhaust system incorporates more than three wire hangers and at least two juice cans.

You might be a redneck if you think “fat-free” means undoing your belt and the first 3 buttons.

You know you’re a redneck when you think marriage vows are what your father-in-law promised to do to you if you didn’t marry his daughter.

You might be a redneck if an intimate evening at home consists of sharing the remote.

You might be a redneck if it’s easier to rotate your home than your TV antenna.

You might be a redneck if you use old newspapers in more than 3 ways in your home.

You know you’re a redneck if you stare at the Orange Juice container because it says “Concentrate.”

You know you’re a redneck when some one yells “hoe down” and your wife drops to the floor!

You might be a redneck if you can relate to the following statements:
1) “Nothing says lovin’ like lovin� your cousin!”
2) “Why go across town when you can go across the hall?”
3) “If you can’t keep it in the pants then keep it in the family.”

You know you’re a redneck when your family tree is a wreath.

You know your a redneck when your town priest is also your town plummer.

You know you’re a redneck when you’re front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

You have a home that is mobil and 14 cars that aren’t.

You know you’re a redneck when you have seven cars in your driveway, but only one works.

What was the last thing the redneck said before he died?
“Hey y’all, watch this!”

You know your a redneck if your Thanksgiving turkey was once a family pet!

You might be a redneck if you wear cowboy boots with shorts.

Redneck Driver’s License Application…

Plez compleet this paper, best ya can.

Last name: ________________

First name: [_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess) Sex: [_]M [_]F [_]None Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: [_] Farmer [_] Mechanic [_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress [_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician

Spouse’s Name: __________________________ 2nd Spouse’s Name: __________________________ 3rd Spouse’s Name: __________________________ Lover’s Name: __________________________ 2nd Lover’s Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse: [_] Sister [_] Aunt [_] Brother [_] Uncle [_] Mother [_] Son [_] Father [_] Daughter [_] Cousin [_] Pet

Number of children living in household: ___ Number of children living in shed: ___ Number of children that are yours: ___

Mother’s Name: _______________________ Father’s Name: _______________________

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) If you obtained a higher education what was your major? [_] 5th grade [_] 6th grade

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?

Vehicles you own and where you keep them: ___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Age you started drivin ______ (If over 10 are you are still slow lerrnin ? [_] Yes [_] No)

Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ kitchen ____ bedroom ____ bathroom/outhouse ____ shed ____ pawnshop

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_

Do you have a gun rack? [_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: [_] The National Enquirer [_] The Globe [_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest [_] Rifle and Shotgun [_] Bassmasters

___ Number of times you’ve seen a UFO ___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis ___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe: [_] Weekly [_] Monthly [_] Not Applicable

How many teeth in YOUR mouth? ___ Color of teeth: [_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow [_] Brown [_] Black [_] N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: [_] Red-Man [_] Skoal

How far is your home from a paved road? [_] 1 mile [_] 2 miles [_] don’t know

How do you castrate a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the mouth!