You know you’re a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since “Smokey and the Bandit” was snubbed for best picture.

A guy walks into a local pharmacy and walks up to the counter where a lady pharmacist is filling prescriptions. When she finally gets around to helping him he says, “I’d like 99 condoms please.”

With a surprised look on her face the pharmacist says, “99 Condoms!?! Fuck me!”

To which the guy replies, “Make it 100.”

You know you’re a redneck when you lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it’s wheels.

Two different theories exist concerning the origin of children: the theory of sexual reproduction, and the theory of the stork.

Many people believe in the theory of sexual reproduction because they have been taught this theory at school. In reality, however, many of the world’s leading scientists are in favour of the theory of the stork.

If the theory of sexual reproduction is taught in schools, it must only be taught as a theory and not as the truth. Alternative theories, such as the theory of the stork, must also be taught.

Evidence supporting the theory of the stork includes the following:

1. It is a scientifically established fact that the stork does exist. This can be confirmed by every ornithologist.

2. The alledged human foetal development contains several features that the theory of sexual reproduction is unable to explain.

3. The theory of sexual reproduction implies that a child is approximately nine months old at birth. This is an absurd claim. Everyone knows that a newborn child is newborn.

4. According to the theory of sexual reproduction, children are a result of sexual intercourse. There are, however, several well-documented cases where sexual intercourse has not led to the birth of a child.

5. Statistical studies in the Netherlands have indicated a positive correlation between the birth rate and the number of storks. Both are decreasing.

6. The theory of the stork can be investigated by rigorous scientific methods. The only assumption involved is that children are delivered by the stork.

You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.