Bob and sue have been married for 12 yrs. And never have sex with the lights on.

One night sue turned on the lights while they were having sex. And was shocked when she saw her husband with a dildol in his hands.

Sue yelled �you impatient fucker! You lying son of a��

Bob stopped her and said, �I�m a lying son of a bitch? Than maybe you would like to explain our 3 kids?�

Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company, and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex.

Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for awhile.

Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him.

As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch.

In pain she screamed ‘What the hell did you do that for!?’
Tarzan replied, ‘Always check for squirrels.’

The word of the day is “LEGS”, let’s go back to my place and spread the word.

Let’s name your legs. The right one is Thanksgiving and the left one is Christmas. Can I come between the holidays?

I’d like to fuck your brains out, but it looks like someone beat me to it.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

Was your daddy a baker? ‘Cause you sure gotta nice set of buns.

Can I borrow a quarter? I just want to call your mother and thank her for having you!

Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: “Sir, did you call for me?” Bob replies: “No, what do you mean?” She says: “You must be new here; let me explain. It’s a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me.” Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few seconds a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says: “Sir, did you call for me?” Bob replies: “No, what do you mean?” The Huge Man: “You must be new here; it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me.” The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him.

Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist: “May I help you?” Bob says: “Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee.” Receptionist: “But Sir, you’ve only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities…..

“Bob replies: “Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on twice a month, but I fart 15 times a day!

Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator??

A: Why the hell are you shaking? Shes gonna eat me!