A woman went to her shrink because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems. Finally he asked, “Do you ever watch your husband’s face while you are having sex?” “Well, yes, I actually did once.” “And how did your husband look?” “Angry, very angry.”

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, “Well that’s very interesting, we must look into this further.

Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband’s face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw his face that time?”

“He was looking through the window at us!”

A man and a woman meet at bar one day and are getting along really well. They decide to go back to the woman’s house where they engage in passionate love making.

The woman suddenly cocks her ear and says, “Quick my husband just got home, go hide in the bathroom!” So the man runs into the bathroom.

Her husband comes up into the bedroom and looks at her. “Why are you naked?” he asks.

“Well, I heard you pull up outside, so I thought I would come up here and get ready to recieve you.”

“Okay.” the man replies “I’ll go get ready.”

He goes into the bathroom before his wife can stop him and sees a naked man standing there clapping his hands.

“Who the hell are you?!” the man asks.

“I’m from the exterminator company, your wife called me in to get rid of the moths you are having problems with.”

The husband exclaims, “But you are naked!”

The man then looks down and jumps back in surprise, and says… “Those little bastards!”

***The Rules Of Bedroom Golf!***

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play – normally one club and two balls.

2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played , or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.

10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.

11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case.

12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and approach to the hole.

13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.

14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request.

15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

Holiday Banana Bread:

Ingredients: 2 laughing eyes, 2 loving arms, 2 well shaped legs, 2 firm milk containers, 1 fur-lined mixing bowl, 1 large banana

Instructions: 1 – look into laughing eyes and hold loving arms.

2 – Spread well shaped legs slowly.

3 – Squeeze & massage milk containers until the fur-lined mixing bowl is well greased, check with middle finger.

4 – Add banana, work up and down until well creamed.

5 – Lower nuts and sigh with relief, when banana is soft, bread is done!

6 – Be sure to wash mixing utensils, but “do not lick the bowl.” NOTE: If bread rises, leave town.

Q: What’s the difference between a girl and a toilet?

A: A toilet doesn’t want to cuddle after you drop a load into it.