The girl admitted under parental questioning that she was pregnant, but couldn’t say who was responsible.

“All right !” bellowed her Mother, “you march yourself to your room, and don’t come out until you can give us a definite answer.”

Later that nite her voice rang down the stairs. “Hey Mom, I think I have an idea now.”

“I should hope so !” the Mother responded. “The very idea that any daughter of mine could get pregnant, let alone not know the father.”

“Chill Mom.” the girl said. “I got it narrowed down to the band or the football team!”

Little Johnny is passing his parents bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in the Act.

Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims, “Oh boy! Horsie ride! Daddy can I ride on your back?”

Daddy was relieved that Johnny’s not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, he agrees.

Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping.

Johnny cries out “Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!”

Once Upon A Time, there was a married woman, and she was not happy about her sex life, so she goes to see her doctor about it.

Her doctor gives her some pills and tells her to put one in her husband’s glass of water before going to sleep and then HAVE FUN.

The woman comes back home and tries it the first night. She puts one pill in her husband’s glass of water. And that night they have sex.

The next night, the woman was happy but not quite content yet, decides to use two pills. That night their love making was even better then the night before.

So the third night she decided that if two pills was great, then she would put all the pills in the glass of water.

A week later, the doctor calls her house and asks: “Hello, how’s the whole family doing??”

The son, who answered the phone, answers: “Well, my Mom’s dead, my Sister’s pregnant, My ass hurts and my Dad is running around naked outside screaming, ‘Here KITTY KITTY’.”

Sex in a boat – oar-gasms. Sex with a nerd – dork-gasms. Sex at the entrance to your house – door-gasms. Sex on carpet or linoleum – floor-gasms. Sex at the supermarket – store-gasms. Sex at a Steven King Movie – horror-gasms. Sex with a prostitute – whore-gasms. Sex with an accountant – bore-gasms. Sex while sleeping – snore-gasms. Sex with ‘Arthur’ – Dudley Moore-gasms. Sex with cartoon donkeys – Eyeore-gasms. Sex while broke – poor-gasms. Sex with a lion – roar-gasms. Sex for hours and hours on end – sore-gasms. Sex on a golf course – fore-gasms. Sex with a nymphomaniac (or Ritzi) – more-gasms. Sex in a gold mine – ore-gasms. Sex with a dermatologist – pore-gasms. Sex with a politician – Al Gore-gasms. Sex with Chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers – s’more-gasms. Sex with a bullfighter – toreador-gasms. Sex with a masked man carrying a sword – zorro-gasms. Sex on the beach – shore-gasms. Sex at an all-you-can-eat buffet – smorgasbord-gasms. Sex on a cruise ship deck – shuffleboard-gasms. Sex in asia – Singapore-gasms. Sex among the wonders of nature – outdoor-gasms. Sex in the vicinity of a garbage can – odor-gasms. Sex on the way to the train – ‘All Aboard’-gasms. Sex that wasn’t very satisfying – ‘There’s the door’-gasms. Sex in an adult theater – hard-core-gasms. Sex with someone who’s not paying attention – ignore-gasms. Sex with a competitive partner – score-gasms. Sex while flying – soar-gasms. Sex with a beloved partner – adore-gasms. Sex with a meat-eater – carnivore-gasms. Sex with a person who’s got a really bad hairdo – pompadore-gasms. Sex with someone who’s got bad taste in clothes – velour-gasms. Sex while travelling – tour-gasms. Sex with a big dog – labrador-gasms. Sex with Beavis and Butthead – ‘GonnaScore’-gasms. Sex on stairs at the mall – escalator-gasms. Sex with three of your friends – four-gasms. Sex with a norse God – Thor-gasms. Sex when resistance is futile – Borg-gasms.

An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her Husband’s sex drive.

‘What about trying Viagra?’ asks the doctor.

Not a chance’ says Mrs. Murphy. “He won’t even take an aspirin for a headache.”

‘No problem,’ replies the doctor. ‘Drop it into his coffee,he won’t even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on.’

A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how things went.

‘Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor.’

What happened?’ asks the doctor.

‘Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make wild passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible!

‘What was terrible?’ said the doctor, ‘Was the sex not good?’

‘Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I’ve had in 25 years… but I’ll never be able to show my face in McDonald’s again!’