A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket — If he could just get to the airport then could get himself home.

So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.

The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), “If you don’t have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!”

So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain His financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big time.

Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.

The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line, “How much for a ride to the airport,” he asked?

“Fifteen bucks,” came the reply. “And how much for you to give me a blow job on the way?”

“What?! Get the hell out of my cab.”

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked “How much for a ride to the airport?”

The cabbie replied, “Fifteen bucks.”

The businessman said “ok” and off they went.

Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver in line.

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8′ X 10′ cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6′ X 8′ cubicle.

In prison you get three meals a day. At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.

In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself. In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

In prison you can watch TV and play games. At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere. At work you are just ball-and-chained.

In prison you get your own room. At work you have to share.

In prison they allow your family and friends to visit. At work you cannot even speak to your family and friends.

In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required. At work you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for the prisoners.

In prison you spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out. At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside bars.

In prison you can join many programs which you can leave at any time. At work there are some programs you can never get out of.

In prison there are wardens who are often sadistic. At work we have managers.

Four major executives from various countries are playing golf together. On the second tee they hear a phone ring.

The Canadian executive reaches into his bag and pulls out a cellular phone. “O.K. buy 100 shares,” the Canadian tells the other person on the phone. Then he looks at the others and says, “I’m such an important person, that I have to make sure my employees can reach me at any time. Therefore I carry a cell phone everywhere.”

On the next tee, they hear the sound of another phone. All of a sudden, the American puts his finger to his mouth and his thumb to his hear and begins talking. When he gets off the line he tells the others, “I’m so important that I had my company install a microphone in my index finger and a speaker in my thumb. That way, I don’t have to worry about carrying a cellular telephone.” The people are very impressed and move on down the fairway.

On the green, they hear another phone ring. The German stands up tall and says, “O.K., sell the company now.” Then he loosens up and tells the others, “I’m so important that I had my company put a microphone in my lip and a speaker in my ear. That way all I need to do is stand up straight to get the signal.”

Everybody is really impressed and they continue playing.

At the next tee they hear another phone. All of a sudden, the Japanese executive runs into the bushes. After a few minutes, the others get worried about him so they go into the bushes to find him.

They find him with his pants around his knees, squatting.

“Oh, we’re sorry,” the American exclaims, somewhat embarassed, “we’ll leave you alone.”

“That’s O.K.”, the Japanese executive says, “I’m just waiting for a fax!”

A keen country lad applied for a salesman’s job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world – you could get anything there.

The boss asked him, “Have you ever been a salesman before?”

“Yes, I was a salesman in the country” said the lad.

The boss liked the cut of him and said, “You can start tomorrow and I’ll come and see you when we close up.”

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o’clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, “How many sales did you make today?”.

“One,” said the young salesman.

“Only one,” blurted the boss, “Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?”

“Three hundred thousand dollars,” said the young man.

“How did you manage that?” asked the flabbergasted boss.

“Well,” said the salesman, “this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn’t be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser.”

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, “You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?”

“No,” answered the salesman, “He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, ‘Your weekend’s shot, you may as well go fishing.’”

A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO (Chief Executive Officer) standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand.

“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?”

“Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”