A fellow is going on tour of a factory that produces various latex products.

At the first stop, he’s shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud Hiss-Pop! noise.

“The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold,” explains the guide.
“The popping sound is a needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple.”

Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a noise: Hiss, Hiss, Hiss, Hiss-Pop!

“Wait a minute!” says the man taking the tour. “I understand what the hiss, hiss is, but what’s that pop every so often?”

“Oh, it’s just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine,” says the guide. “It pokes a hole in every fourth condom.”

“Well, that can’t be good for the condom!” the man states.

“Yeah, but it’s great for the baby-bottle nipple business!”

There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX

This is not believed to be a coincidence.

You Might Be A College Student:

If you average 3 hours of sleep a night
If your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn’t
If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week
If you are personally keeping the local pizza place from bankruptcy
If you wake up 10 minutes before class
If you wear the same jeans 13 days in a row — without washing them
If your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to class
If your social life consists of a date with the library
If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room
If you carry less than a dollar on your person
If you haven’t done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to class
If you celebrate when you find a quarter
If your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over
If you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itself
If your backpack is giving you Scoliosis
If you get more sleep in class than in your room
If your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen Noodles
If you can sleep through your roommate’s blaring stereo
If you live in an area that is smaller than most mobile homes
If you get more e-mail than mail……

THEN YOU MIGHT BE A COLLEGE STUDENT!!!

Sign on a brake repair shop in Joliet, Illinois, “We stand in front of our work.”

Sign on a muffler shop in Santa Cruz, “We’re the Nobody that Midas brags about.”

When I take a long time
I am slow
When my boss takes a long time
He is thorough
———————————-
When I don’t do it
I am lazy
When my boss doesn’t do it
He is too busy
———————————-
When I do something without being told
I am trying to be smart
When my boss does the same
That is initiative
———————————-
When I please my boss
I’m ass-kissing
When my boss pleases his boss
He’s co-operating
———————————-
When I do good
My boss never remembers
When I do wrong
He never forgets
———————————-