This is a collection of actual student bloopers collected by teachers from 8th grade through college.

Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, “Am I my brother’s son?”

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: “Tee hee, Brutus.”

Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son’s head.

Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted, “hurrah.”

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud said, “Man, I wish we had something to drink!”

Jim says, “Me too. Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?”

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.

The next morning, Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact, he feels GREAT! No hangover! NO bad side effects, Nothing!

Then the phone rings…It’s Jim.

Jim says, “Hey, how do you feel this morning?”
Bud says, “I feel great. How about you?”

Jim says, “I feel great, too. You don’t have a hangover?”
Bud says, “No, that jet fuel is great stuff – no hangover – nothing.”

“We ought to do this more often.”
“Yeah, well, there’s just one thing….”
“What’s that?”
“Have you farted yet?”
“No…..”

“Well, DON’T – ’cause I’m in Phoenix!!!”

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

“Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

“You’re on, old man,” the braggart replied. “Let’s see what you got.”

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “All right. Get in.”

HoW To KeEp A hEaLtHy LeVeL Of InSaNiTy AnD dRiVe OtHeR PeOpLe iNsAnE

Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice)

Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you’re doing. For example: ‘If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.’

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what you think.”

Dont use any punctuation in your emails

Ask people what sex they are. When they answer, say “are you sure”?

Stand in front of your parked ca

On opening his new store, a man received a bouquet of flowers. He became dismayed on reading the enclosed card, that it expressed “Deepest Sympathy”.

While puzzling over the message, his telephone rang. It was the florist, apologizing for having sent the wrong card. “Oh, it’s alright.” said the storekeeper. “I’m a businessman and I understand how these things can happen.”

“But,” added the florist, “I accidentally sent your card to a funeral party.” “Well, what did it say?” ask the storekeeper. “‘Congratulations on your new location’.” was the reply.