The teacher of the school geography class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked:

“Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”

After a confused silence, little Johnny volunteered – “I guess you’d be eating alone!”

You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?”, you suddenly realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox and gave her your mail.

As a woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This one’s your turn!”
Your boss is standing behind you. And it’s his wife.

While your boss is at lunch, you sneak in and look at some confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee on the keyboard. It shorts out and you’re the only coffee drinker there.

You return from a week’s vacation to find that you had scheduled *this* week as vacation, not last week.

You take a “sick” day. The next morning the boss asks you, “So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek yesterday?”

You wake up hung over.
You have a black eye and barked knuckles.
Your underwear is missing.
You’re in jail.
Last night was the company Christmas party.

It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the high school intercom: “Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing.”

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: “Will the twelve hundred students who went to move “26 cars”, return to class.”

Caught napping at work, school, or church…try this one.
Guaranteed to work!

Just pick your head up real fast and say:

“…in JESUS’ name…AMEN!”
(he-he…how can they yell at you for this

ADDENDUM: For some reason, it won’t work in a Synagogue?

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What is your name?” Was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.

“John,” the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, “Look, I don’t know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.

I refer to my employees by their last name only — Smith, Jones, Baker — that’s all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson.

Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?” The new guy sighed and said, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”

“Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is…”