A woman realizes her son has not yet gotten out of bed for school.

She goes into his bedroom and tells him to get up or he will miss breakfast.
“No,” the son replies. “I don’t wanna go to school!”

“You HAVE to go to school,” the mother scolds.
“No! The kids are mean to me, the teachers don’t like me, and the lunches are icky.”
“You WILL go to school, young man,” the mother warns.

“Why? Why do I have to go to school today?” the son asks.
The mother is about to lose her patience.
“Because you’re the principal, now get out of bed!”

Something to ponder… Do the workers at the Lipton factory get a
coffee break?

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, “Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?”

Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!”

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, “All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!”

As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on the blaze. After two more hours of attacking the fire, president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the company’s secret files.

From the distance a long siren was heard and another fire truck came into sight. It was a local volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over
65. To everyone’s amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. In the distance the other firemen watched as the old timers hopped off of their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before.

After an hour of intense fighting the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. Joyous the chemical company president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers.

After thanking each of the old men individually the president asked the group what they intended to do with the reward money. The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said, “The first thing we’re going to do is fix the damn brakes on that truck!”

A man walks in for a sale rep job. He is very qualitfied, but he has a nervous twitch, and his left eye is always winking.

So he speaks with the manager and the manager says, “Well sir, you are very well qualified for the job, but people have to be comfortable around a sales rep. and that eye thing is really freaky.”

The man smiles and says,”Oh that, I just take some Tylenol and it goes away.” So the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a condom, he takes several more condoms out and finally finds some Tylenol. He takes two Tylenol and the eye twitch goes away.

The manager frowns, “Sir, I’m sorry but our company does not like womanizers. I don’t like the look of all those condoms.”

The man chuckles, “Oh, I’m no womanizer… but do you know how hard it is to buy Tylenol at a drug store with your eye contantly winking?”