A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.

“Are you crazy” yelled the customer, “sticking your thumb in my steak?!”

“What” answers the waiter, “You want it to fall on the floor again?”

Bob woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a
pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall
the events of� the preceding evening.� After a trip to the
bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where� his wife put some
coffee in front of him.

“Louise,” he moaned, “tell me what happened last night. Was it
as bad as I think?”

“Even worse,” she said, her voice oozing scorn. “You made a
complete ass of� yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the
entire board of directors and� you� insulted the president of
the company, right to his face.”

“He’s an idiot,” Bob said. “Piss on him!”� “You did,” came the
reply. “And he fired you.”

“Well, screw him!” said Bob. “I did. You’re back at work on
Monday.”

3 men where at the FBI Building for a job interview.

The first man walked into the office . The interviewing FBI agent said “To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.” The man took the gun, hesitated, and said “Sorry, I can’t do it.”

The next interviewee came into the office. The Agent said “To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room.I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.” The man took the gun, walked into the room, then walked out. “Sorry,” he said.

The last man came into the office. The inverviewer said “To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.” The man took the gun and went into the room. The Agent heard 6 shots, silence, then a lot of screaming.

The man came out of the room and said “Someone loaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to death with the curtain railing!”

The contemplative routine of the convent was being disrupted by the presence of workmen converting the electrical service from overhead lines to buried cable. Mother Superior called the electric company’s complaint department to ask for help.

“The profanity these men use constantly is unsuitable for our community. You must make them stop cursing so much.”, said the nun.

“Very well, sister. But you must make allowances for their habits. Even when they are trying to be tactful, they will still tend to call a spade a spade.”, said the company spokeswoman.

Mother superior then observed, “I think the term they actually use is ‘fucking shovel!’”.

A Guy Walks Into A bar ….
OUCH !!!!!