There were three girls in a bar. One girl says…
“I can get a whole hand up my cunt!”

Then the second girl says “well, I can get a whole foot up mine!”

Finally, the other girl says “I don’t mean to brag, but could you help me off this stool!”

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman.

They exchange hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, “This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest diameter.

By the way my name is Jill. What’s yours?”

He coolly replies, “Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you.”

Sung to the tune of “The Beverly Hillbillies”

Come and listen to my story ’bout a man named John,
A poor ex-marine with little fraction gone,
It seems one night after gettin’ with the wife,
She lopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.
Penis, that is.
Clean Cut. Missed his nuts.

Well, the next thing you know there’s a Ginsu by his side,
And Lorena’s in the car taken’ Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out the window as she rounded a bend.
Curve, that is.
Tossed the nub. In the shrub.

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed “Over there”
To John Wayne’s henry that was waving in the air.
Found, that is.
By a fence. Evidence.

Now peter and John couldn’t stay apart too long
So a dick doc said, “Hey, I can fix that dong!”
“A needle and a thread is all we’re gonna need”
And the whole world waited till they heard that
Johnny peed.
Whizzed, that is.
Even seam. Straight stream.

Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court
With a half-assed lawyer cause his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape,
And his pecker was the only thing they didn’t show on tape.
Video, that is.
Unexposed. Case Closed.

Ya’ll sleep on your stomachs now, ya hear?

After much discussion the scientific community decided to try to determine why the human penis was shaped the way it was.

MIT allocated a budget of $200,000 and after 2 years research decided the the head of the penis was bigger than the shaft so that during intercourse a better seal was maintained and thus preventing leakage and ensuring fertilization.

Johns Hopkins Medical Center allocated a budget of $500,000 and after 5 years research decided that the head was bigger than the shaft in order to provide more stimulation, ensure ejaculation and thus allow for impregnation.

The fellows over at the University of Hawaii spent $
2.50, bought a copy of the latest Victoria’s Secret catalog and reached the conclusion that the head is bigger to prevent your hand from slipping off!

Poor Billy is dating a rich girl and has no idea what to give her for her birthday, (as she has everything) as he tells of his dilema to his friend, his friend suggests that he tatoo her name on his sex organ. Billy goes to a tattoo parlor and tells the man her name is Wendy.

When finished he looks down and sees. . “W Y” and says “Hey I said her name was Wendy”

Man says “Don’t worry shake it.” . . . He does, . . and voila!- Wendy.

He ties a ribbon on it and presents it to his girl. . . she is so happy that she invites him on a Carribean cruise.

While in port at Jamaica in a disco he goes to the bathroom. While at the urinal a tall Jamaican stands next to him glances down sees “W Y” and says “W Y, huh?”

Billy says oh! its my girlfriend’s name, look (shakes it. . . Wendy)

Jamaican says: “Ah good show man, Wendy, very nice.”

Billy looks at the Jamaican and notices his organ also says “W Y”.

Billy says: “Hey, wait a minute, yours says Wendy too?”

“Ah no man. Mine says “Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day.”