The camera doesn’t lie.

I lost my teddy bear, will you sleep with me?
My magic watch says that you don’t have on any underwear. (She says yes I do) Damn! it must be 15 minutes fast
What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My Zipper!
If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d have five cents.
Crap. Something is wrong with my cell phone. {Oh Really. What is that?} Its just that…your numbers not in it.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
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she put the Boogie man outta business.

she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt

when she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, “Damn it, can’t believe it’s Halloween already…”

when she applied for the ugly contest they told her ‘NO Professionals’

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I told her drinks were on the house…so she went and got a ladder…she make Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner

she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.

she noticed a sign reading ‘Wet Floor’…so she just did!

it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, “Wow, it comes with cable too!”

she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.

she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.

she sold her Car for Petrol cash!

she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund…

she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a Kerb.

she leaves tell tales signs she’s been using my computer – white out (tipp ex) is on the screen.

she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.

I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.

she invented a silent car alarm.

that when you stand beside her you can actually hear the ocean

she really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies…

she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.

she was born on Halloween and can’t remember her birthday.

she thought Morning Dew was a New York radio station.

she lost her shadow.

she went to a Whalers game to see Kiko.

she somehow got fired from a Blow-Job

she thought Hot Meals were stolen food.

she make Laurel and Hardy look like Nobel Prize winners.

when I asked her to purchase me a Colour TV she asked me…’Which colour?’

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