For those of you about to become first-time fathers, you should know something that us old pros do: there are three stages of sex with your mate during pregnancy.

During the first trimester, you do it regular style. During the second trimester, you do it doggie style.

During the last trimester, you do it wolf style. “What the heck is wolf style?” you ask. That’s when you sit by the hole and howl!

A newlywed bride and groom had been busy at “it” for three days straight.

The groom arose early and was reading the paper, thinking it was time to do something else. When his bride woke up, he said, “Honey would you like to see Oliver Twist?”

His bride replied, “You show me one more trick with that thing and I’m going home to mother!”

Two young couples marry the same day and, being all friends, leave together for their honeymoon to stay at the same hotel in Venice, door to door.

The next morning, the two brand new husbands step out on their balconies to have a breath of fresh air.

“So? How did it go last night? C’mon, tell me! How’s your wife?” “Uhh, fine I guess, she’s lying on the bed smoking.” “Jesus! My wife just got a bit sore…”

On the wedding night of the newly wedded royal couple, they wanted to make sure everything was done according to proper etiquette. So she begins and says, “Sir, I offer you my honor.”

He replies, “I honor your offer.”

And that’s how it goes all night. Honor, offer. Honor, offer. Honor, offer.

Bridegroom: How much for the room?

Hotel Clerk: Twenty dollars apiece.

Bridegroom: Okay. Here’s $140.