A couple hobbled into a Washington (state) emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his around his waist, and the woman had hers around her head.

They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man.

While in the act she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man’s penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go….YEEOOOOOOOUCH!

5 Good Reasons not to be a Penis!

1. You’re bald your entire life.
2. You have a hole in your head.
3. You live between two nuts.
4. An asshole lives behind you.
5. When you get excited, you throw up and then you faint.

Q: Why didn’t the sanitary pads say hello to the Tampax?

A: Because the Tampax were stuck-up cunts!

One day, a man with no arms walked into the bathroom. Another man that was in there, asked, “I don’t mean to be rude sir, but how to you go to the bathroom with no arms?”

The guys with no arms replied, “Well I need a little help, could you unzip my pants?”
The other guys reluctantly says, “sure”.

The guy with no arms says, “I need a little more help than that, I need some aim.
Would you mind?”

The guy, very reluctant to do it this time said, “Sure, I guess”.
When the guy pulled out the mans penis, there was red pustules and blisters and hair all over it. The man preceded to help the man out.

When the man with no arms was finished. The other man asked him,
“I don’t mean to be rude, but what was all over your penis?”

The man then replied, as he pulled his arms out his shirt, -
“I don’t know but I sure as hell ain’t touching it!”

Confucious say:

Man who go to bed with itchy ass, wake up with smelly finger.