A young lesbian goes to her gynecologist for her yearly pelvic
examination. She puts on the paper gown and awaits him to come into
the exam room. He instructs her to get up onto the table and place
her feet in the stirrups.

As he is examining her she hears him saying “mmmm… mmmhmmm”. He
completes the examination, instructs her to dress and then meet him
in his office when she is done.

In his office she asks him if there was anything unusual that he
observed during the exam because she could not help but hear his
non-verbal comments.

“Oh, that” he says.” I was just admiring you. You have the cleanest
vaginal area that I have ever seen in all my years of practice.”

The young woman proudly smiled and replied, “Why thank you! I have a
woman come in twice a week and clean it!”

Jack goes to the doctor and says “Doc I’m having trouble getting my
penis erect, can you help me?”

After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, “Well the
problem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penis
are damaged. There’s really nothing I can do for you except if
you’re willing to try an experimental treatment.”

Jack asks sadly, “What is this treatment?” “Well,” the doctor
explains, “what we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a
baby elephant and implant them in your penis.”

Jack thinks about it silently then says, “Well the thought of going
through life without ever having sex again is too much, lets go for
it.”

A few weeks after the operation Jack was given the green light to
use his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening for his
girl friend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the
city. In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs
that continued to the point of being uncomfortable.

To release the pressure Jack unzipped his fly. His penis immediately
sprung from his pants, went to the top of the table, grabbed a
dinner roll and then returned to his pants.

His girl friend was stunned at first but then said with a sly smile,
“That was incredible! Can you do that again?”

Jack replied, “Well, I guess so, but I’m not sure I can fit another
dinner roll up my ass!”

Two parents take their son on vacation and go to a nude beach. The
father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in
the water. He comes running up to his mom and says, “Mommy, I saw
ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!”

The mom says “the bigger they are, the dumber they are.” So he goes
back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says,
“Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy’s!”

Mom says, “the bigger they are, the dumber they are.” So he goes
back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says,
“Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and
the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!”

Owed Two A Spell Chequer:

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

The following are new Error Messages are planned for Windows 2000:

1) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue. 2) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 3) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. 4) Press any key… no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE! 5) Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test. 6) Close your eyes and press escape three times. 7) Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game? 9) Windows message: “You have just made a type mismatch! Shall I format your brain?” 10) This is a message from God: “Rebooting the universe, please log off.” 11) Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. 12) BREAKFAST.SYS halted… Cereal port not responding. 13) COFFEE.SYS missing… Insert cup and press any key. 14) CONGRESS.SYS corrupted… Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N) 15) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) 16) Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N) 17) Runtime Error 6D at 417
A:32CF: Incompetent User. 18) Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N) 19) WinErr 547: LPT1 not found… Use backup… PENCIL & PAPER. 20) User Error: Replace user. 21) Windows VirusScan
1.0 – “OS/2 found: Remove it? (Y/Y)” 22) Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic.