Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next
to the grieving widow. “How old was your husband?” he asked.

“He was ninety-eight,” she answered softly. “Two years older than I
am.”

“Really?” the undertaker said. “Hardly worth going home, wouldn’t
you say?”

TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR KID IS TAKING DWEEBONICS CLASSES

10. They tilt their head sideways to smile.

9. When you ground them, they say, “Your UI could really use some work.”

8. They say, “My dad can beat your dad at Quake.”

7. Instead of laughing, they say, “LOL.”

6. They insult kids by saying, “And you’ve got limited bandwidth!”

5. They change the answering machine message to “BRB, leave your URL, and we’ll TTYL.”

4. This is how they ask someone out on a date: “Umm, uh, well…see ya!”

3. Calling from camp, your homesick child says, “I’m roaming outside my service area!”

2. When you ask if they’ve finished their book report, they say, “It’s in beta, but it’ll ship in time.”

1. You’re telling them something they don’t want to hear. They’re saying, “NAK, NAK, NAK” the whole time.

Bill gates has been in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter. “Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure where to send you. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows ’95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. In your case, I’m going to let you decide whether you want to go to Heaven or Hell.”

Bill replied, “Well, what’s the difference between the two?”

St. Peter: “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision.”

Bill: “Fine, but where should I go first?”
St. Peter: “I’ll leave that up to you.”
“Okay then,” said Bill, “Let’s try Hell first.”

So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing, and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased.

“This is great!” he told St. Peter. “If this is hell, I really want to see heaven!”
“Fine,” said St. Peter, and off they went.

Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a minute, and rendered his decision.

“Hmmm. I think I’d prefer Hell,” he told St. Peter.
“Fine,” retorted St. Peter, “as you desire.” So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons. “How’s everything going?” he asked Bill.

Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, “This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can’t believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?”

“That was a demo,” replied St. Peter.

President Yeltsin, President Clinton and Bill Gates are invited to have
dinner with God. During dinner He tells them: “I needed three important
people to send my message out to all the people: Tomorrow I will destroy
the Earth.”

Yeltsin immediately calls together his cabinet and announces: “I have two
really bad news items. God really exists, and tomorrow he will destroy the
earth.”

Clinton calls an emergency meeting of congress and announces: “I have good
news and bad news. The good news is God really does exist; the bad news is
tomorrow he’s destroying the Earth.”

Gates goes back to Microsoft and tells his employees: “I have two pieces of
great news. First, I am one of the three most important people on earth,
and second, I think I’ve got the Y2K problem fixed.”

2 dumb fishermen decided to rent a boat on a lake for their favorite sport. After fishing for 4 hours at various places around the lake with no luck at all they decided to try one more spot before calling it quits, Suddenly things started to happen, and they caught their limit inside of twenty minutes. paul said, (Hey we should mark this spot, so next time we will know where to come,) Jim says good idea, and he took out a can of spray paint and made a large X on the floor of the boat….to mark the spot…. With that paul says, why did you do that, now anyone who rents this boat will know where to fish.