Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. One, because he holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him
Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier?
A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.
Q: What’s the motto of the US Marine Corps?
A: Semper Fi (Always Faithful)
Q: What’s the motto of the French Army?
A: Stop, drop, and run!
Q. Why don’t Master Card and Visa work well in France? A. They do not know how to say “CHARGE!”
Q: What do women who are snipers in the French military use as camouflage?
A: Their armpits.
Q: What’s the difference between a Frenchman and a bucket of crap?
A: The bucket
The recent tremors felt throughout France have been attributed to the fifty six thousand+ WWI & WWII U.S. soldiers spinning in their graves.
Q: Why do the French people seem so hell bent on kissing Jacques Chirac’s ass?
A: Because the French, in general are less sensitive to bad smells and certainly more tolerant of bitter flavors!!
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Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
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1) Three women – a German, a Jew and a polack – all gave birth to seven pound baby boys at the same time. The nurses got the babies mixed up somehow and couldn’t tell which baby belonged to which mother.
After an hour of mass confusion the father of the German baby decided he would settle the problem. He walked into the nursery and lined up the three infants in a row. He then clicked his heels, raised his arm in a salute and shouted, “Heil Hitler!” Read More…
And as the reindeer say before they tell you jokes ….
These jokes will sleigh you!
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Why does Santa always go down the chimney?
Because it soots him!
(that’s one of Santa’s favourite jokes! *HO! Ho! ho!*)
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If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!
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Q. What occupies the last 6 pages of the Lada User’s Manual?
A. The bus and train timetables.
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The defendant who pleads his own case has a fool for a client, but at least there will be no problem with fee-splitting.
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Ron Paul supporters are easy to recognize, their signature headgear, when properly applied also keeps fat from dripping on your grill and flaring up. Also his name is Barry.
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“Chelsea Clinton tried to help her mother attract the gay vote in Pennsylvania by visiting several lesbian bars. That’s true, yeah. Yeah, when asked to comment afterwards, Chelsea said, ‘I’ve never seen so many women with my mom’s haircut.’” –Conan O’Brien
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Why does the Easter bunny have a shiny nose? His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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Steve Martin Hosting the Oscars:
“There are 800,000,000 people watching with the exact same thought  that we’re all gay.”
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Did you hear about the blonde that put lipstick on her forehead so she could make up her mind?
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Smaller or larger tuxedo
A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom’s tuxedo.
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Smaller or larger tuxedo
A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom’s tuxedo.
Read More…
What are the three questions most commonly asked by lawyers?
1. How much money do you have?
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You Might Be A Lawyer If….
You are charging someone for reading these jokes.
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“Because it’s a long, horrifying process to run for the nomination, candidates often like to have fun on the campaign trail. And a couple of days ago  this is great  Hillary Clinton, while she was flying on her campaign airplane, pretended to be a flight attendant. But that’s not all. She was so convincing that Bill actually hit on her.” –Jay Leno
“Congratulations to Hillary Clinton. The big winner up there in New Hampshire. Congratulations to her, did a a nice job. Yeah, despite all the predictions by the pundits, Hillary Clinton refused to roll over. How many times has Bill heard that?” –Jay Leno
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“Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence … and then he had to leave to attend a fundraiser.” –Jay Leno
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Anniston
You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street.
Jasper
It is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb. Read More…
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