From Resumania’s Archive:

1. Job Duties: “Answer phones, file papers, respond to customer e-mails, take odors.”
2. Interests: “Gossiping.”
3. Favorite Activities: “Playing trivia games. I am a repository of worthless knowledge.”
4. Skills: “I can type without looking at thekeyboard.”
5. Employer: ” Myself; received pay raise for high sales.”
6. Objective: “I want to play a major part in watching a company advance.”
7. Experience: “Chapter president, 1887-1992.”
8. Experience: “Demonstrated ability in multi-tasting.”
9. Experience: “I’m a hard worker, etc.”
10. Languages: “Speak English and Spinach.”
11. Reason for leaving: “I thought the world was coming to an end.”
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Murphy’s Laws Of Combat Operations

Friendly fire – isn’t.
Recoilless rifles – aren’t.
Suppressive fires – won’t.

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THIS IS A FLAME

Dear

[x] dork [ ] dummy [ ] ignorant snot [ ] stupid [ ] nerd [ ] Elvis
[x] idiot[ ] computer geek [ ] retard [ ] sycophant [ ] Samuel Stoddard

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A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.

Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.

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The following are supposedly true definitions, stories, and terms relating to the Civil War.

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Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying
in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he
keeps cranking out. AVERAGE: Not too bright.

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To All Employees: It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timecards that specify large amounts of “Miscellaneous Unproductive Time” (Code 5309). Note that unproductive time isn’t a problem.

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I know how to deal with stressful situations:
I’m usually on Prozac. When I’m not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.
I seek a job that will draw upon my strong communication & organizational skills:
I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.
I’m extremely adept at all manner of office organization:
I’ve used Microsoft Office.
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The story behind this joke:… There’s this nutball who digs things out his back yard and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian Institute, labeling them with scientific names, insisting that they are actual archeological finds. The really weird thing about these letters is that this guy really exists and does this in his spare time!

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