Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. One, because he holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him
Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier?
A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.
Q: What’s the motto of the US Marine Corps?
A: Semper Fi (Always Faithful)
Q: What’s the motto of the French Army?
A: Stop, drop, and run!
Q. Why don’t Master Card and Visa work well in France? A. They do not know how to say “CHARGE!”
Q: What do women who are snipers in the French military use as camouflage?
A: Their armpits.
Q: What’s the difference between a Frenchman and a bucket of crap?
A: The bucket
The recent tremors felt throughout France have been attributed to the fifty six thousand+ WWI & WWII U.S. soldiers spinning in their graves.
Q: Why do the French people seem so hell bent on kissing Jacques Chirac’s ass?
A: Because the French, in general are less sensitive to bad smells and certainly more tolerant of bitter flavors!!
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“Earlier today, Janet Jackson’s right breast came out, saw its shadow, six more weeks of winter.” —Jay Leno
“Janet Jackson was doing a duet with Justin Timberlake when at the end, he ripped off part of her top, exposing one of her breasts. Kind of ironic, for once, a Jackson getting molested.” —Jay Leno
“The chairman of the FCC announced he’s launching an immediate and swift investigation into what they’re calling ‘Nipplegate.’ … We still have to wait until next year to find out why we went to war with Iraq, but we’ll find out what happened with (Janet Jackson’s) breast probably in 48 hours.” —Jay Leno Read More…
McCain kept talking about how he could help this man. If McCain really wants to help this guy, you now what he should do? Just have him re-pipe all of McCain’s houses. That would be a job for life.” –Jay Leno, on Joe the Plumber
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Q: Did you hear about Michael Jackson’s latest song?
A: “Don’t let your son go down on me.”
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Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?
A. They both live off dead Beatles.
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You know your from Manitoba, Canada, when….
You only know three spices – salt, pepper and ketchup.
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You’re 90% sure you’ve grown up, if …
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
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Steve Martin Hosting the Oscars:
“There are 800,000,000 people watching with the exact same thought  that we’re all gay.”
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George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking, when George W. said, “I hate all the dumb George W. jokes people tell about me.”
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Q: What is Helen Keller’s favorite color?
A1: Corduroy.
A2: Velcro.
Q. Why is all of Helen Keller’s face burnt?
A. She was bobbing for french fries.
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-How do you get down from an elephant?
You don’t. You get down from a duck.
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Anniston
You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street.
Jasper
It is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb. Read More…
Q: What were Christa McAuliffe’s last words to her husband?
A: “You feed the kids – I’ll feed the fish.”
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< face="times new roman,helvetica">You Know You’re In Alaska When…
< face="times new roman,helvetica">. . .you know which leaves make good toilet paper.
< face="times new roman,helvetica">. . .the mayor greets you on the street by your first name.
< face="times new roman,helvetica">. . .there is only one shopping plaza in town.
< face="times new roman,helvetica">. . .the municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus. Read More…
1. It’s acceptable to eat lunch at 11.00.
2. You think Leif ‘Loket’ Olsson is entertaining.
3. You rummage through your plastic bag collection to see which ones you should keep to take to the store and which can be sacrificed to garbage.
4. You associate pea soup with Thursday.
5. The first thing you do on entering a bank/post office/pharmacy etc. is look for the queue number machine.
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Q: How do you get a Swede to sound like a dog?
A: Pour gasoline over the Swede, light a match to it and “woof” up it goes in flames.
Q: What’s the difference between a dead Swede in the road and a dead snake in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the snake.
Q: Why did the Swede put condoms on his ears?
A: He wanted to avoid getting hearing aids.
Q: Why did the Swedish woman return the vibrator she bought?
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1 Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what hed like to eat. “Ill have some fuckin French toast,” he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. “Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin French toast for me,” he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. “I dont know,” he says meekly, “but I definitely dont want the fuckin French toast.” Read More…
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1. The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, “Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?”
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